Reasons to buy Eminem’s seventh album, 'Recovery':

1. It’s good.

2. It’ll make you ever so slightly cooler, thus compensating for those shoes you wish you hadn’t bought last week; the ones that look a bit ‘correctional’. And why, dear God, why, must they continue to look so damn shiny? Wearing them to the park and dragging your feet all afternoon didn’t make any difference, other than earning you the moniker ‘Gimphouse’.

 

 

3. It’s been top o’ the charts for four weeks, which is almost as long as SuBo’s ‘I Dreamed A Dream’, and we all know MaMa (Marshall Mathers – geddit?) views her as his main antagonist.

4. It’s a return to form after ‘Relapse’, which even the rhyme-meister himself slated.

“This time around it’s different. The last two albums didn’t count… I’ve got something to prove to fans… Please accept my apologies.”

Aww, when he sounds all earnest and humble and genuine, we don’t know whether to “drop a shoulder to the beat” or give him a big cuddle. Come here, ya big Rabbit, you.

 

 

5. But, don’t worry; Eminem hasn’t gone soft on us. A quick listen to Track 1 will reassure you of that. Unless you’re Mariah Carey. Then it’ll just make you cry. Soz, Mariah.

6. Rihanna and Pink are both on it, and who doesn’t like a bit of ‘added value’ from an album? Buy it in Tesco’s, and with the Clubcard points you’ll accrue, they’re practically paying you to listen to it. Which, as jobs go, is a pretty decent one. Damn sight better than the Friday morning office McDonald’s run, anyhow. I mean, seriously, how can we still be the most junior employee? It’s been two frigging years. People do less time for raping pigeons in wheelie bins these days.

As if those aren’t enough to have you scuttling to the shops quicker than Lindsay Lohan to the newly-opened ‘Coke Emporium’, check out this informative video some of Eminem’s less 'on brand' friends have put together (above).