Exercise is tough, as it requires effort and like most things that require effort, it's tiring. This FHM reporter hasn't done much exercise in a long time, thanks to the blessing of our country's prestigious higher education system and their nearby 24-hour kebab shops.
Bearing this in mind, someone thought it would be a great idea to take part in a Royal Navy assault course in Piers Cellars on the Rane Peninsular. The assault course is the sort of thing the cadets will tackle in week three of their training, and just to give FHM a proper taster, ten cadets were handpicked for us to compete against.
Unfortunately, they didn't pick the fella nodding off on the picnic bench, or the lardy bloke who was eyeing up the last of the rations, mainly because these two men didn't exist. All the cadets were 'stackhouses' to use the technical term, so like an overexcited and ignorant rabbit we bounded down the hill for what we thought was a mere a run in the mud.
I hate how happy this man is.
The main problem was that by the time we had completed the warm up, we were shagged. The second problem was that our special Navy trousers were too small and being held together with our swimming shorts. Thirdly, the boots FHM were running in were HEAVY. Hardly the sort of footwear you would pick for a leisurely run and rather the apparel you find on malicious doorman, who likes to deliver swift-toe-kisses to the teeth of drunkards every Saturday night.
The final problem was that the cadets seemed to have the 'never leave a man behind' motto drilled in to their heads. We were more than happy to be left behind, but oh no they insisted, which co-incidently lead us meeting the wall. We had only ever read about the wall before, it was just something that those marathon runners bang on about - probably some poncey term for a stitch we thought. Well, in actuality, it's when glycogen stores in your body deplete, which results in rag-doll-man passing out in the sea (see above).
In all honesty, FHM probably wouldn't have done the assault course if they had known how horrific they would feel afterwards, but it was probably best that we didn't know beforehand. We achieved something that day, we lost all our energy, dignity and the ability to stand, but we're glad we did it and also very glad that the men and women from the Royal Navy are out there doing it for us too. Because one thing is for sure, I couldn't, could you?
To find out more about the Royal Navy's work check out theirofficial website.
Thanks to Sean Clee for recording and editing the video, David Sherfield for the images and everyone at HMS Raleigh for being such good sports.