Yeeeeeeahhh boooooooooiiii. It's the First XI World Cup bulletin!
Here's what's happening in gobsmacked South Africa today:
Friday 2 July 2010
15:00 Netherlands v Brazil, Port Elizabeth, ITV1
19:30 Uruguay v Ghana, Johannesburg (Soccer City) ITV1
It is the World Cup quarter finals. YES PLEASE. This is the stage at which shit gets real. We've lost the chaff (New Zealand, Nigeria, England) and we're left with eight extremely capable teams all with a realistic shot of glory. Provided you count glory as appearing in a third place play off. No-one has chanced their way to this stage, but one team who are yet to completely click in to gear are Netherlands, who are faced with the daunting task of toppling Brazil, who seem to look efficiently fantastic without really trying. The last two times Netherlands have made it past the second round they have gone out to Brazil, in the quarters in 1994 and semis in 1998. Brazil have let in just two goals in their last eight World Cup games against European teams. People in orange everywhere today say: "pray for us"
Uruguay play Ghana in the evening game, with an unexpected semi (oo-er) [sorry] the reward for the victor. Ghana are the third African team to reach the quarter finals after Cameroon in 1990 and Senegal in 2002. Uruguay have won the last nine games in which they have been leading at half time. Keep it tight, Ghana.
On this day in 1982 Argentina lost 3-1 to Brazil in a possible pre-match of this year's final. AN OMEN? No, probably not.
MATCH OF THE DAY 15:00, ITV1
BRAZIL V NETHERLANDS
Quarter Final. Port Elizabeth. Capacity: 42,486
Brazil in 10 words: Minor nation famous only for unrivalled footballing prowess and coffee.
Netherlands in 10 words: Usually torn apart by arguments and deceit by this stage.
What Sting's song An Englishman In New York would have looked like if it was re-recorded as A Brazillian in Amsterdam:
HALF TIME QUIZ
Which World Cup finalists' emblem have we subtly defaced below? The first correct answer in the comments section receives a cash prize (terms and conditions apply) [TERMS AND CONDITIONS: Cash prize value = 1p. Cost to enter = 1p. Your home is at risk if you do not continue to correctly identify bastardised national football association logos]
MATCH OF THE DAY 2
MISS BRAZIL vs MISS NETHERLANDS
Who's hotter? Have a think, do a series of tests, possibly powernap on it, then tell us your answer in the comments box.
Adriana Lima is Brazillian despite the fact that her surname is THE CAPITAL OF PERU!!!! What a wacky world we live in.
Monique Smit knows more about formations and tactics than you can ever imagine. Don't challenge her, she will have you.
Here is a long and thorough explanation as to why England are rubbish.
Check back tomorrow for the next First 11 World Cup Bulletin!