COR, It's the First XI World Cup bulletin!

Here's what's happening in gin-soaked South Africa today:

Matchday 23

Wednesday 7 July 2010

19:30 Germany v Spain, Durban, BBC One

THE LOWDOWN

So it shall be Holland in the final of the 2010 World Cup, the first time the orange-loving nation have appeared in the final since the glory days of total football in 1978. Well done Holland. They will be joined by either Germany or Spain this evening after another match that looks mouthwatering on paper but will probably turn out to be dreadful if Brazil v Portugal is anything to go by. Then again, Argentina v Germany turned out ok. OH WHO KNOWS!

The purists will hope that Germany emerge victorious tonight as they've looked the most impressive team in the tournament, with wonderfully effortless win over top sides like Argentina and Australia as well as lesser lights such as England. The slightly different purists will be hoping for Spain in the final, as it would guarantee a new winner of the tournament. Although technically a unified Germany have never won the World Cup before. But who cares about technicalities? Losers, that's who. And technicians, presumably.

This is perennial chokers Spain's first ever World Cup semi final, and Germany are unbeaten against them in World Cup finals matches, winning twice and drawing once. On the other hand Spain's Xavi has completed more passes than any other player at this tournament (404) and David Villa is playing like a one man match-winning machine.

On this day in 1998 Brazil squeezed past the Netherlands in penalties in the semis, setting up a clash with France in the final which they would surely breeze, given Ronaldo's outstanding form and.... oh.

MATCH OF THE DAY 19:30, BBC One

GERMANY V SPAIN
Semi Final. Durban. Capacity: 62, 760

Germany in 10 words: Very good at football. More in practice than in theory.
Spain in 10 words: Very good at football. More in theory than in practice.
What a combination of Spain and Germany looks like if you're very childish:
Spermany

WORLD CUP MINISITE WITH EXCLUSIVE NEWS, STATS AND VIDEOS FROM SOUTH AFRICA

HALF TIME QUIZ

Which World Cup finalists' emblem have we subtly defaced below? The first correct answer in the comments section receives a cash prize (terms and conditions apply) [TERMS AND CONDITIONS: Cash prize value = 1p. Cost to enter = 1p. Your home is at risk if you do not continue to correctly identify bastardised national football association logos]

Mystery Badge 4


MATCH OF THE DAY 2

MISS GERMANY vs MISS SPAIN

Who's hotter? Have a think, do a series of tests, possibly powernap on it, then tell us your answer in the comments box.

Representing Germany:

Tina

Tina Kaiser says: "I like to party. Everybody does. Make love, listen to the music. You've got to let yourself go-go girl. Hmmm-mmm." Oh no, sorry, that was Belgian house music producer Junior Jack who had UK #1 hit in 2003 with his song Make Luv. 

Representing Spain:

Vania

Vania Millan. Mania Villain, more like. (erm...)

AND FINALLY

Zonal Marking is a marvellous blog all about football tactics. Read its previews, look like a big man in front of your friends, laugh at the ineptitude of analysis provided by the television's "experts". Everyone's a bitter winner.