Hello friends, it's the First XI World Cup bulletin!
Here's what's happening in electric South Africa today:
Monday 28 June 2010
15:00 Netherlands v Slovakia, Durban, BBC One
19:30 Brazil v Chile, Johannesburg (Ellis Park), ITV1
England, eh? There was some unpleasantness. Shall we try to forget it ever happened and press on with World Cup excitement? Yes, yes we shall.
THE NETHERLANDS! (against) SLOVAKIA! That's how a late 90s Sega Dreamcast game might have previewed the second round's fifth game, taking place this afternoon in Durban. Tiny baby nation Slovakia take on Total Football originators, perennial bridesmaids and bloody nice blokes The Netherlands in a clash that's sure to produce throw-ins and free kicks a-plenty. And maybe loads of goals, too. Slovakia's Robert Vittek is the unlikely joint second top scorer in the tournament with three goals, while Holland's Klass Jan Huntelaar has scored twice in just three appearances in major tournament games.
Brazil played out a very convenient bore draw with Portugal to guarantee them top spot in their group and a clash with lovably attacking Chile at Ellis Park this evening. This is the 66th game between the two sides, Chile have won just seven times. Erk.
On this day in 1998 Brazil beat Chile 4-1 in the second round. Erk.
MATCH OF THE DAY 19:30, ITV1
BRAZIL V CHILE
Second round. Ellis Park, Johannesburg Durban. Capacity: 55,686
Brazil in 10 words: Will drab draw in Portugal game affect them today? Nope.
Chile in 10 words: Striker Humberto Suazo scores absolutely tons of goals... in qualifying.
What these countries' two flags would look like if they had a lovechild and Ronaldinho was the adoptive father of the resulting nation:
HALF TIME QUIZ
Which World Cup finalists' emblem have we subtly defaced below? The first correct answer in the comments section receives a year's supply of feeling smug for being able to recognise national football teams' emblems so bloody well:
MATCH OF THE DAY 2
MISS BRAZIL vs A MYSTERY CHALLENGER FROM CHILE
Who's hotter? Have a think, do a series of tests, possibly powernap on it, then tell us your answer in the comments box.
It is model and famously sweaty lady Gisele Bündchen.
It is some copper wire, copper being the main export of Chile. Can it defeat Gisele? Only you can decide. Just have a long hard think about what you would rather do without in your day-to-day life.
It's only an actual blog from inside North Korea about their humiliating defeat in the group stage from Portugal!
Check back tomorrow for the next First 11 World Cup Bulletin!