Goals galore, dubious red cards, the French team imploding like a children’s circus of weeping clowns – this World Cup is hotting up.

After a start marginally less interesting than watching Fabio Capello glower at paint until it dries, we’ve been treated to mostly excellent games in the past week (with the obvious exception of England’s “performance” against “Algeria”).

But this won’t be a truly memorable World Cup until something properly silly happens. Apart from some ill-advised handballs and a couple of goalkeeping howlers there’s been very little material for forthcoming talking heads programmes in which minor celebrities talk inanely about Well Funny Stuff That Once Happened. This is a tragedy.

StanJames.com is offering 2/1 that any player will walk the proud footsteps of Diego Maradona and fail a random drug test, and 12/1 that it will be an Argentinean player to be the first to test positive for any banned substance.

Or will there be a reprise of Graham Poll’s three card trick of 2006, in which the English official booked Croatia’s Josip Simunic three times in the same game? StanJames.com is quoting 50/1 on that happening, and you can also get 40/1 for any official to be sent home for accepting a bribe.

Bets of the day:
A player to test positive for anything in a drug test - 2/1
An Argentinian player being the first player to test positive in a random drugs test - 12/1
A ref to show three yellow cards in the same game to the same player - 50/1
An official to be sent home for taking a bribe - 40/1