“On a work trip two years ago, I was sat with a workmate in babes a lapdancing club in Phoenix, USA. Suddenly, out of the darkness, I was pinned to my chair by a stiletto, then assaulted by one of the girls. She slapped me, choked me and pulled out my chest hair. The more I struggled, the more vicious she got. After two minutes of agony, I freed myself and fled. By the next block my mate caught up with me – and explained he’d slipped ‘angel’ $20 and told her to ‘hurt me’. She was only supposed to do it for a few seconds, but misunderstood my Scottish accent, taking my screams to mean I was enjoying it.”