“Last year in Tokyo, some work colleagues took me out for dinner. Since I had no idea what anything was on the menu, and they spoke little English, I resorted to a suck it and see approach. First up was a strange fluorescent green substance. At this point, I should confess that I love Asian women and was trying to impress one colleague in the old British way – i.e. ill thought out masculinity. Thus I grabbed a big spoonful of the stuff and, despite her protestations, swallowed it whole. Everything was fine for a second, then it hit me. My nose exploded. Purple lights popped in my eyes. I started crying uncontrollably and hit the floor. Damn wasabi.”