DF, Swansea says...

“On a jolly boys’ weekend about three years ago, I took part in and lost a drinking game. The forfeit? To have ‘jlly bys’ tattooed on my arse. My bum hole was the ‘o’ – hilarious, eh? Did I mention we were on Barcelona beach? And it was the middle of day? And my mates were drumming up a crowd? Embarrassing, but all in the name of banter, so bearable. I pulled down my swimming shorts and… the tattooist backed away. Apparently my arse was ‘too hairy’. Salvation? No: my mate Dan legged it back to our apartment for his Bic and gel. With the crowd increasing with every second, by the time he returned there must have been 200 or so jeering onlookers when he returned and got shaving. At this point he started playing to the crowd - getting them to clap, ‘ole’ with each shave, until he finished, slapped my arse as hard as he could and basked in their adulation as the tattooist got to work. Bastard. I got him back the next day by leaving him in an Ibizan nightclub, mind. He got removed from the building. But that’s another story for another time.”