J Atwood, via e-mail says...

“I was 18, had just had a row with my girlfriend, and went for a scoot in the family car. I found a quiet country lane and tore the arse out of the old motor. Very therapeutic – until nature called. I pulled over to take a shit. Suddenly, while squatting on a verge in the pitch black, I spy headlights around the bend. It was a cop. A rather angry Scouse one, who shone his torch straight onto my exposed prick. ‘What the fuck do you think you’re doing?’ he barked, as the last dribbles of liquid gold fell to the ground. I stammered some feeble response – and then ducked as he raised his torch, because I thought he was going to belt me. Instead, he pointed it straight in my eyes, then back at my crotch. Before bellowing: ‘I never want to see THAT again. Now fuck off!’ I did. Quickly.”