Dan Mosely, Poole says...

“On holiday in France, me and my older sister were swimming in the sea. She stole my trunks and went ashore. Despite the fact it was adjacent to a nudist beach, my British sensibilities prevented me from wading ashore, and as a result I was swept nearly 3km down the beach by the strong Atlantic currents. I nearly drowned. I was eventually rescued by a lifeguard, who carried me up the full length of the beach over his shoulder with my little cock and balls flapping upside down. The cow didn’t even apologise.”