“It’s incredible what teachers used to get away with. My strangest memory is of my biology teacher, who used to keep an actual human foetus pickled in a huge jar in his classroom. But weirder still was his ‘scientific research’. Aged 11, I was ordered to stay behind at breaktime and play with a Rubiks cube… while he took Polaroids of my balls. And, aged 13, the whole class was tasked with exercising with a chest expander machine, before stripping off so he could examine the effect on… yes, our gonads. Apparently it was for his thesis on ‘male pubic development.’ When some parents complained, the headmaster did nothing except politely ask him to stop. He retired a few happy years later…”