You wake up around 6:00 AM and your head is pulsating. You smell like a bar. No, you smell worse than a bar. You smell like the bathroom of a bar. You are the lowest of the low.
You told your girlfriend, let's call her Michelle, that you were having a boy's night. You were kind enough to give her a heads up about getting too drunk to make it home. You said you'd crash on Joey's couch. You don't recall saying any of this, but your sent text at 1:43 AM confirms the story.
You're at Joey's alright, but there's someone next to you. A blonde, definitely not Michelle. You get a flashback of meeting her at the bar and then the clarity hits. You cheated on your girlfriend. You didn't kiss someone else...You had sex with someone else. You are invariably and royally screwed. What to do now?
Look, we've all been there. Shit happens. People mess up. In fact, if humans are good at one thing, it's messing up. When it comes to love though, shit gets complicated (and that's putting it lightly).
Don't fret though, there are steps to take that will remedy the situation without you ending up in a body bag at the hands of your enraged girlfriend. These steps can only really be taken if you've cheated with a random woman during a one-night-stand situation. If you're having an ongoing affair, well, good luck with that
Tell Her. Point Blank. There's really no other way around it. If you're having a hard time even thinking about doing that, ask yourself what your mother would tell you to do, that should help the guilt and shame set in real quick, which will alleviate the fear.
Get Your Facts Straight. She's going to interrogate you like Elliot Stabler on SVU without missing a single beat. Be sure to know the name of the bar, exactly how many drinks you had, which guy friends you were with. All of these details will help her piece together a clear picture in her head. Women need details!
If She Pushes About The Girl, Don't Let Her Win This. Yes, tell her you had sex, but don't give her the explicit details. Believe me, she's going to ask, but deep down she really doesn't want to know that much. Be as vague as you can and make sure you explain you have never met her before.
Don't Throw Anyone Else Under The Bus Or Blame Other People. If you ever want guy time again, this is imperative. If she associates certain friends with you cheating, what do you expect her to do?
Don't Buy Her Anything. I know that people will suggest otherwise, but it's insulting to a woman for you to assume she can be "bought." If anything, write her an apology.
Make Sure It Stays Between The Two Of You. Try and convince her to remain calm and not jump on the phone with her mom or best friend. If she's angry, she may do some serious damage to your reputation and the people in her life are less likely to forgive you than she is.
Evaluate How Much Of A Role Alcohol Played In The Situation. If you find that every time you drink without your girlfriend you cheat or have the urge to cheat, there may be some bigger issues at hand. Maybe you're unhappy in the relationship and use alcohol as your excuse.
Yes, You Must Get Tested. Chances are you didn't use protection if you don't fully remember it even happening. The last thing you need to be dealing with is VD.
Indulge Her Initial Reactions, No Matter How Outlandish. She may start throwing around terms like couple's therapy. If she does, just be in agreement with her. Chances are she's just saying that sort of thing because she read it in a magazine, not because she actually wants to.
Ask Yourself If It Was Worth It. Otherwise, you're probably going to do it again. I don't believe in once a cheater, always a cheater, but if you ignore all of the consequences, you'll never realize how bad it can be.