Birthday Gifts For The Man Who Has Everything (Except These Cool Ass Gadgets)

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Men. They’re so simple. When they’re hungry. They eat. When they’re sad. They drink. When they’re frustrated. They drink. Guys just seem to know how to work through their emotions … by ignoring them. Kidding (sorta)! But there is one feeling they can’t contain: getting older! More specifically, a birthday that begins a milestone decade. We’re talking your 20s, 30s, and the dreaded 40th birthday. 

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Sure. There’s nothing to be upset about in your 20s. Your metabolism is at an all-time high and you can shrug off your hangover by noon. But once the 30s roll in, things can get a little hairy, or rather, less there of. Plus, adulting is at maximum capacity. Hold on tight! And by the time your 40s come barging in, you’ve probably already bought the cliché sports car or motorcycle and are thinking about installing an injection seat for when you’ve completely turned into your father.

MORE: '16 Tech Gadgets That'll Make Excellent Gifts (Even Though You'll Probably Just Buy Them For Yourself')

But before you say "goodbye, cruel world,” lets celebrate your birthday! And hopefully this year the presents won’t suck. Avoid disappointment by sharing this article with your friends so they can get you a gift you’ll actually like! Take a moment to go through the best gifts to give a guy who has everything. These gifts aren’t just for boyfriends either. They're perfect for disgruntled dads, odd uncles, stingy brothers, friend-zone-placed coworkers, and any other guy you can think of. Plus, all of these items can be found on Amazon, so, you’re welcome! 

20s: Just A City Boy

Walex Deodorizer, $8.78

Now before you say anything, picture this: You’re at your girl’s parent’s house and decide to blow up their bathroom. Crap! What to do? Drop one of these odor-controlling deodorizers in the toilet and go back to the dinner table to resume the awkward silence and subtle jabs at your character.

Buy it HERE!

Baffin Unisex Cush Insulated Slipper, $20.00 - $44.99

If getting excited about a pair of slippers puts us on the fast track to grandpa-hood, then you don’t know what you’re missing, youngin. Instead of making the holes in your socks bigger, opt for a pair of these “sleeping bags for your feet” (we didn’t say that, the company did) that come with draw ties to hold the slipper in place. Mind = Blown.

Buy it HERE!

YunKo Pac-man Cufflinks, $10.99

Your 20s will have you going to a whole lot of weddings, so hold on to an ounce of immaturity with these enamel Pac-man cufflinks. And if you’re girlfriend doesn’t like 'em, give her this ultimatum: wear the Pac-man cufflinks or jump up on the bride and groom’s table shouting, “Do we serve water in this bar?”

Buy it HERE!

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30s: Don’t Stop Believing

Stanley 65-Piece Homeowner's Tool Kit, $38.67

Whether you’re a homeowner or not by now, you should have your own tool kit. Use it mostly to prop up your laptop, but, when a leaky pipe bursts or a cabinet door becomes unhinged, you’ll be set with this 65-piece tool kit … that the plumber/handyman can use when he arrives.

Buy it HERE!

ThisWear Funny Can Coolie Brown Paper Bag Gag Gift Coolies 2 Pack Can Drink Coolers Multi, $11.99

You’re old enough to bring your own coolie to barbecues. But add some irony to your schtick by swapping the superhero emblem on your coolie for one that looks like the paper bag you used to wrap your Colt 45s in. Yeah, used to.

Buy it HERE!

The Unemployed Philosophers Guild Freudian Thoughts Sigmund Freud Psychology Unisex Analog Watch, $39.95

Tell time with Freud and impress psychology majors at the same time! We’re assuming that you know where the numbers go on a clock, so substitute the norm with words Freud made famous including Eros, Id, Mom, Dad, Sex, Envy. You know, college stuff. It’s Eros o’clock.

Buy it HERE!

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40s: Hold On To That Feeling

J-Creater BBQ Branding Iron with Changeable Letters Barbecue Steak Names Tool Outdoor, $15.99

You may be over the hill for a birthday cake, but not a birthday steak! This branding iron is under twenty bucks and comes with 55 letters, so let your imagination run wild. Might we suggest branding a steak or burger with a jolt of profanity.

Buy it HERE!

Amazon Echo, $179.99

At this age, there’s no sense in ignoring technology any longer. Hear reports on the news, listen to your music, make phone calls, and verbally “Google” anything by telling your robot secretary, Alexa, what to do. “Alexa, how much is too much whisky?”

Buy it HERE!

Mpow Car Phone Holder, Universal Air Vent Magnetic Car Phone Mount, $11.99

At 40, it might be time to stop balancing your smartphone on your knees while you drive. You’re smarter than that! Ignore your GPS hands- and knees-free with this universal car phone mount.

Buy it HERE!

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