I'm afraid to admit it, but, yes, I'm a serial emoji user, often using them for an entire text conversation at times because I'm either too lazy or too drunk to actually, you know, type out words to a living, breathing human being at times.
And while my girlfriend rips me for this very habit of mine—referring to me as a, "little girl"—at least I know the difference between the right and the wrong emojis to use.
We all have fun sending these expressions to friends, but when us guys decide to use them with ladies, well, there are rules on which ones are appropriate. If you don't already know what's OK and what's not, here's a quick rundown.
5. Smirk Emoji
You might mean for it to come across as innocent, but don't be so foolish, the girl knows exactly what your deviant mind is thinking when you send this little smirk. It's typically sent when you're feeling pretty confident that things are about to go your way and she's bound to come over after eating up your flirtatious lines via text. But don't be too confident, because an ill-times use of the smirk and she'll catch your drift and turn the other way, coming up with some excuse not to see you.
Game Killer: 4.5/10
4. Poop Emoji
Sure, technically this isn't really poop, but still, for about 99.9% of the population, that's exactly what it stands for. And while sending a smiling turd to your buddies in a group text describing how shitcanned you all got last night works great when hungover, when you're macking a girl and trying to get her to come hang out, it's not quite as funny.
Game Killer: 7/10
3. Dancing Twins Emoji
No man with any self-respect will use this. Seriously, I've thought about of every situation in which a guy would send this to a girl and I've come up with zero reasons, so don't be the one dude on the planet who sees what might happen if you do. Not even when the girl says she's dressing up as the dancing twins with her best friends for Halloween should you send it. In fact, that might be one of the worst times to do it. Avoid it. Delete it. Ignore it. Whatever you need to do to never use it.
Game Killer: 8.5/10
2. The Water Bead Emoji
💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦💦 @FHM— Nick Dimengo (@itsnickdimengo) September 2, 2016
Like a few others on this list, this emoji might, technically, have a different meaning, but when used in the heat of the moment, it means one thing—sex. Typically referring to your Mantene Pro V shooting out of your eggplant, no girl in their right mind will think of it in any other way. Even if you just got done running 10 miles and are dripping sweat, there are other emojis to go with to express that, and this isn't it.
Game Killer: 9/10
1. The Eggplant Emoji
Stop. No, seriously, just stop. If you didn't already know that the eggplant was going to top the list, you've got a more perverted mind than I could have imagined and need some serious help. It may appear to be an innocent eggplant, but everyone knows that it doesn't mean that delicious vegetable. You've put in work to get the girl to consider coming over, why throw it all away by texting her this thing to flush it all down the drain? Right, don't!
Game Killer: 9.8/10