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Guys, if you like having sex—and chances are you do—you have to remember that there are things to be learned. In addition to knowing what to actually do when you're bumping uglies between the sheets, knowing what to eat before doing so is important in how you perform in the sack.
While everyone's body can react differently, here are six foods that we can say unequivocally and undeniably that no man should ever, under any circumstances, eat before sex.
6. Cooked Meats
I know, guys, this one is a heartbreaker, but, as if you didn't already know, meats can be a heartstopper, too, thanks to their grease and other fats. In fact, unless you want some serious heartburn while you're thrusting back-and-forth, you'll want to avoid stuff like, gulp, bacon and other cooked meats.
High in fiber, unless you and your partner are into some serious freaky stuff that involves gas, avoid eating the one vegetable your mother always told you to. It's cool to eat veggies like mushrooms and tomatoes, but never, ever broccoli.
It's a great way to get your ass going on the morning, but trust us, you don't want to down a bunch of it before you strip down naked and get to knockin' boots. Regardless of how often you drink coffee and how much you consume, coffee can trigger things in your body that can lead to some serious stomach problems—like diarrhea. You might already be nervous about your performance already, don't add to that by downing coffee, too!
It might be the reason you're getting laid in the first place—I kid, I kid—but downing a bunch of beer isn't ideal before you're about to get your romp on. High in carbonation, clearly, burping and ripping ass in front of your buds might be funny, but it won't be when you're trying to hold them back as you've got a girl going down on you. There's a reason why beer shits occur—so don't be the dumbass who tries to test his luck.
2. Fettuccine Alfredo
As deliciously garlic and cheesy as it is, I really don't know who actually still orders Fettuccine Alfredo, as it's so bad for you that you might as well just eat a stick of butter dipped in grease. Without passing judgement on your dietary decisions, though, if you have to eat it, don't do so before sex—unless, of course, you want to let all slow-digesting fat and dairy just chill in your stomach as you try to get horizontal.
If you even needed us to tell you that beans shouldn't be in your pre-sex meal plan, you don't deserve to have sex in the first place. Beans will make you gassy, uncomfortable, and could leave you and your partner cleaning up a different kind of stain off the sheets than you first originally thought.