Modern Life Is Making People Terrible In The Sack, Here's How To Change That

If you’re reading this right now you’re probably not having sex. Because you’re reading this. Which is fair enough really because multi-tasking is difficult and quite frankly we’d be a little bit offended if we didn’t have your full attention.

What’s perhaps more concerning is that when you finish reading this you probably still won’t be having sex, and if you are, you’re probably doing it badly. At least according to a load of recent studies anyway.

Here’s why we’re all losing our mojo and how we can fix it…

Too Much Swiping

 

According to a survey by the ‘intimate toy retailer ‘Bondara,’ since the big online dating boom made hooking up via emoticons publicly acceptable we’re all having more sex than before, due in part to swipey dating apps like Tinder. Tragically though it’s not all very good sex with the majority of people rating hook-up app sex as a mere 6/10. Sex with a frequent partner on the other hand is clocking in at 8/10.

The reasons being that we’re getting too lazy. Sex is getting too easy and we’re just not putting in the effort because ‘hooking up’ is now effortless.

Solution:
Stop using hook-up apps and start talking to people in real life settings like the good old days and building lasting relationships. This has several benefits. Firstly, you get more regular sex. Secondly, you feel a lot more comortable. Thirdly you get given a +1 on wedding invitations and other things and your family stop worrying that you're going to die alone.

Having Hair

 

Going bald has been a primal fear for men everywhere. Sure, it’s all fine when you’re young and carefree but what about when you start getting older. When hairs growing in all of the places other than where it actually should be: on your bonce.

But it doesn’t have to be getting you down. Literally. A recent study showed that blokes with a slaphead tend to have higher levels of testosterone which means you’ll probably have a higher libido. Essentially, god’s way of taking away with one hand and giving you a pat on the back with the other.

Solution:
Embrace the receding lines that are crawling backwards over your scalp and shave the lot off. Think more Bruce Willis than Mr Burns and see your testosterone soar to sexual Tyrannosaurus levels.

The Economy

 

In short, we’re all skint. Nobody has any money to actually do things anymore and it’s turning us all into fun-less recluses. Locked in doors, not meeting people and certainly not doing the deed.

Solution:
Instead of worrying about paying for a pint, stay in and have sex. Having no money shouldn’t be a mental block it should be a window of opportunity. What else can you do? You can’t afford to go out and have expensive fun, so stay in and have cheap sexy fun. This one should be a no-brainer.

Tech Overload

 

We live in a multimedia age where we’re constantly bombarded with a bazillion different pieces of information, whether you’re multi-screening at work, watching TV with your iPad on your lap or treating your smartphone like it’s another limb. It’s bloody exhausting, why would you even want to have sex when you’ve got so much other stuff to think about?

Solution:
Exercise the ‘off button’. You don’t need to check your emails or your Facebook before you hit the hay. The TV doesn’t need to always be on (even just in the background), turn it all off and damn it straight to hell and have sex with your girlfriend.

MORE: 'The Case For More Morning Sex'

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