Look, I get it! There's really nothing fun about getting older—bills, responsibility, marriage, maybe even having children—WOOF. It's all just too terrifying to even think about. Here's the thing though, you have to think about and not just that, you have to LIVE it.
This fact, in my opinion, becomes even more depressing come summertime. Gone are the days of playing manhunt on your block or sneaking booze from parent's liquor cabinet. There's no "summer vacation" to speak of and basically, life continues as it always does—it's just hotter out.
Still, even those facing this dismal reality are entitled to their weekends of free-spirited fun, right? Well, sort of. I have NOTHING against weekend warriors, I'm one myself, but the behavior has to be age appropriate and that's what we'll be discussing today.
First thing's first, let's define summer antics, shall we? It's basically anything you did from the ages of 14-graduating college between the months of May-Late August. Here are some examples:
- Binge drinking during the day
- Cat-calling young women in bikinis on the boardwalk
- Pretty much cat-calling young women, in general
- Spending all day in the sun
- Drinking Coors Light
- Concealing booze in a Gatorade bottle
- Sneaking out of the house at all hours of the night
- Sleeping past noon everyday
- Thinking fist pumping is an adequate form of dancing
- Anything involving glow sticks
- Anything involving EDM music, in general
- Tanning oil
I obviously grew up in New Jersey, so my examples are skewed, BUT I'm sure we all have our own versions of this, I'm sure. SO, question is, how do you know if you're too old?
- If every time you drink you wake up feeling like you've been plowed by one or more tractor trailers.
- If you actually look like the oldest person at any bar, club, or party.
- If you FEEL like you're too old to be there.
- If someone says, "you're too old to be here."
- If the sun makes you tired (the same way it used to make your mom tired after a day at the beach).
- If you still think 'Everytime We Touch' by Kaskade is a solid summer jam.
- If you can't remember when you graduated college.
Remember, being the oldest person in the room is only cool when it comes to giving lectures or words of advice, not so much when there's beer pong and jello shots involved.