When it comes to online dating, let's face it — it can be a freakin' crap-shoot. Especially when it comes to things like opening Tinder lines, as an example! Other honorable mentions include, is your picture flattering enough? Have you accurately highlighted your best qualities in your bio? Can women smell desperation through a smartphone?
Seriously, it's really a wonder how any of us have actually managed to survive this long without calling it quits and joining the monastery. Here's the thing though, my friends — given the cultural climate of dating nowadays, online is really the only way to go.
What are you going to do? Meet women on the street? Ha! Good luck with that, it's not 1992, fellas.
As with most things involving in-depth research, it's important to use the proper Internet channels to yield the best results. For example, back in college it was commonplace to use Wikipedia in order to bulk up that 20-page research paper you started the night before it was due, right? Well, now we use Reddit to figure out how we're supposed to behave in certain social contexts. What? Like you're any better? Child, please. Reddit is a kickass resource for those who have tried and failed and well, failed some more until they got it just right — it's a real Goldie Locks And The Three Bears forum for dating.
We've compiled the best of the best we could find regarding top-notch online dating openers, specifically with Tinder. However, we're confident these could work across an array of dating platforms ranging from OkCupid to Bumble and everything in-between. They aren't exactly what we'd call suave, but when it comes to first impressions ....
Humor Is Your Best Friend Here, Remember That:
1. "On a scale of 1 to "Hey you in the bushes!" how creepy have your interactions on Tinder been so far?"- Gets a reply and a laugh every time. — haggardclint
2. I once got, “Do you believe in Marxism? I’m just wondering if you’d support an uprising in my lower class." — TheSurlyEmpress
3. (knife and fork emoji x 4) "I've got all these forks and knives all I need is a little spoon." —Shloogle
4. "Do you have an ugly boyfriend? No? Want one?" — Non-meatbag
5. "Are you my appendix? Because I don't know anything about you but this feeling in my gut is telling me that I should take you out." — MrBuddyHolly
6. "Are you a 0% APR loan? Because I'm having trouble understanding your terms and you aren't showing any interest." — wildkat57
7. "Are you Little Cesars? Because you're hot and I'm ready." — Tess_ORourke
8. "You remind me of my big toe...Because I can see myself banging you on every piece of furniture in the house." — NsRhea
9. "Hey girl, are you a beaver? Because DAM." — RedJeans542
10. "I'm new to this city, can you show me the way to your heart?" — ds9anderon
11. "Send a picture of a sugar packet on the floor and say, "hey sugar, you dropped your name tag."— AwsumbPossum
12. "Are you the bottom of my laptop? Because you're hot, and I'm getting nervous." — howardsostrich
13. "On a scale from 1 to 10, you're a 9 and I'm the 1 you need." — ewok77
14. "You should look into becoming a banker. I mean, you've already got my interest." —coastercruiser
15. "Are you high in cholesterol? Cause you're messing with my heart." — StraightFyre
16. "Are you a basilisk, because something's making me feel petrification in my pants!" —TheSortingHat
17. "Hey baby, if you were a parabola and I was your derivative, would you let me lay tangent to your curves?" — jamesmcip
18. "If you were a Transformer, you'd be a hot-o-bot and your name would be Optimus Fine." — ladylackluck
19. "Were you born in a cornfield? Cause I stalk you...Too corny?" — shakkajon
20. " Hey there. I'm a millionaire by the way." — PokeMaster420
21. " Is your name wifi? Because I think we have a connection." — wuwu9
22. "I wanted to tell you a joke about me penis, but it's too long..." — DrGucciPhD
23. "Do you like Star Wars? Because Yodalicious." — Joenorris94
24. "Do you read Dr. Seuss? Cause green eggs and DAMNNN GIRL." — ExZachtly_ND
25. "Do you believe in love at first swipe?" — BreeadHead
To read the full thread, head on over to Reddit to see more of the hilarious responses and compare you Tinder game.
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