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How To: Make Sure You Don't Screw Everything Up On The 'Morning After' Screwing Her

It’s the morning after. You’ve woken up next to a beautiful woman. You wish every morning was like this and you don’t want to put a foot wrong. Luckily, Nathalia is kindly on hand to offer you some very useful advice.

1. She Asks What You’re Doing Today But You Don't Know What To Say

“Try to surprise me by saying something that I’d never expect, like cave-diving or something odd. Every guy says he’s going to play football or he’s going to meet his friends for a beer. Tell me you’re going to a pottery class, that’ll make you stand out and I’ll think, ‘Wow there’s really something about this guy.’ Or, even better, tell me you want to hang out. Take me into the city and show me some really beautiful places.”

2. You Can’t Remember Her Name

“Nobody wants to hear that, but I guess it happens. Plus, if you were drunk enough to forget mine, there’s a good chance I was drunk enough to forget yours. Cover yourself by saying something like, ‘I was wondering what your name is again?’ And then when I tell you just say, ‘I meant your full name…’ You can style it out and say you’re going to add me on Facebook or something like that, which also solves my problem.”

3. She Wakes Up And Realizes Your Bedroom Is A Disaster Zone

“Mess is fine but if it’s dirty, that’s different. I can look past a little bit of washing but if we’re talking old takeaway boxes, that’s pretty awkward. If you know that you’re bringing someone back, you should at least tidy up. If it’s more spur of the moment then you need to stall them and at least shove everything under your bed.”

4. You Have No Idea What You Should Offer Her For Breakfast

“If I didn’t like you, I’d have left before breakfast. If I like you enough to stay, cook something for me and show you’re creative – that’s really sexy. It means a lot more than just taking me round the corner to a café. It doesn’t have to be super fancy – smoked salmon and cream cheese bagels would definitely work.”

5. Your Mom Shows Up

“If it’s your mum, you could say that I’m your girlfriend, then I wouldn’t feel like just someone else. It’d make the whole thing a lot less awkward rather than being stuck in that situation where your mum is wondering who’s with her son. And don’t just close the door in her face or try to get rid of her. I’d be really impressed if you ditched me and told me you needed to take your mum out instead, as family always comes first.”

6. You Have Lots Of Posters Of Other Girls On Your Walls

“It’s not terrible but I’d wonder if you were a bit insecure having to look at other girls all of the time. Some artwork would be much nicer, but truthfully, I would probably get over it, as long as it’s not loads of pictures of your ex-girlfriend. That would make me seethe.”

7. You Don’t Know Whether To Add Her On Facebook

“I would never add anybody but if the guy wants you, then he adds you. I wouldn’t be freaked out if you added me straight away. I might not accept straight away because I’d want to play it cool, but I’d be more impressed than I would if you waited a few days. That’s playing games and they should be left for the girls. Plus, then I get to look at your pictures and make sure you’re not drunk all of the time or a massive creep. I’d be impressed if you were sharing funny things on your wall, like good cat videos. That’s better than boring statuses about what you’re eating or how bad work has been. Just get a diary.”

8. You Can’t Tell If She’s Interested

“If I didn’t just get up and leave as soon as I woke up then I’m interested. If when you message me later I reply straight away then I’m really interested. Truthfully though, if I’ve given you my number and stayed over then you shouldn’t worry. I don’t just stay with anybody…”

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