We're not here to tell you what to do with your life. If you want to have kids, have kids. Just know that having kids is going to undoubtedly and irrefutably ruin your f'in life. Sure, you're going to love them unconditionally and they're going to love you too — blah, blah, blah. Who cares? Say goodbye to everything that makes you happy. EVERYTHING.
Reddit user, pollutionmixes, posed the following question and while we're sad that we won't be carrying on our family names, we're relieved to have finally made the unanimous decision to NEVER have a child.
"What is ruined by kids?"
We could sum this up pretty simply (as we did above) and just leave it at "EVERYTHING." However, we think it's best to really paint the full horrific picture. Yes, we're using scare tactics. No, we don't feel bad about it.
Say It Ain't So
"Friday nights. Want to go out to a bar spontaneously? Best get planning 5 days in advance."
We're Gonna Be Sick
"Doing ANYTHING spontaneously. I spent ten days or so with a friend and his wife who had a ten-month-old, and the amount of planning and prepping and shit little kids need to have is crazy. They're like generals drawing up battle plans and packing half the house just to go get dinner at a food cart."
"Dave and Buster's, I just want to have someone else make me alcoholic drinks and play fun arcade games."
We're Wearing 2 Condoms From Now On
"Sleep. Eating food when it's hot. Going to the bathroom without company. All of your nice stuff. Disposable income. Plans with other adults. Free time....someone help me I haven't slept in 4 years."
For All The Ladies
A Horror Story
"Conversations. All of my friends have children now, and I simply can't be frank and talk like we used to in front of the children. Can't talk about our love lives, anything scary going on in the world, or any books/movies/TV that isn't kid appropriate. I still like seeing my friends but I feel like I'm walking on eggshells and censoring myself."
"Airplanes. Nothing is worse on a long flight than having to deal with a crying kid, or a kid who can't sit still, or makes a huge racket."
Some More Basic Necessities
"Taking a long enough shower to shave AND wash your hair. Grocery shopping. Phone calls."
Straight To The Point
To read the full thread head on over to Reddit for the endless list of things hellspawn (children) ruin on the daily.
Image Via Getty