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Falling in love and having a long-term relationship is great, but many people believe that, while putting in all the work and compromise to keep things going, one major element takes a hit—the sex life.
While that may be true as a relationship moves on and on, it doesn't have to be the case—and a new study is here to help, giving people advice on how to keep things hot and heavy no matter what.
Researchers from the University of Toronto surveyed 1,900 people to see where their sexual satisfaction was at following the two- to three-month honeymoon phase that nearly every relationship experiences. Their findings led them to one common trait—expectations, Independent.
People hold differing “implicit beliefs” or “sexpectations” that either a happy sex life takes hard work or that true soulmates will naturally have a good long-term sexual relationship.
The study, published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, found that people can either have their relationships sustained by these “sexpectations” or have their relationship undermined by them.
Participants were given fake magazine articles that included either the idea of sexual destiny with a specific partner, or promoted the view that sex in relationships takes work. And while most women were drawn to the stories of having a soulmate, the study also found that both women and men believed that sex in a long-term relationship takes work—not just fate.
Added study lead Jessica Maxwell:
People who “believe in sexual destiny are using their sex life as a barometer for how well their relationship is doing, and they believe the problems in the bedroom equal problems in the relationship as a whole."
“Whereas people who believe in sexual growth not only believe they can work on their sexual problems, but they are not letting it affect their relationship satisfaction,” she said.
"This could be because there is some evidence that sexual satisfaction takes more work for women, so they rate higher on the sexual growth scale."
So, there you have it! You can either be bummed out that your sex life has taken a hit and you and your partner don't seem to have chemistry, or you can both make an effort to do the things that the other person enjoys in order to keep things hot. We recommend choosing the latter if you really want to have a future with your significant other.