We all want great sex, but in the words of The Rolling Stones, "You can't always get what you want. But, sometimes, you get what you need." In this case, we "need" great advice from sex therapists, who spoke with Redbook magazine about how people can have the best sex of their lives Every. Single. Time.
1. Keep The "Sexual Pilot Light" On
- You may be tired from the work day, but you can't let that cost you sex—so let that exhausted being come out! Just don't let that tired self actually fall asleep. "My expression is you gotta keep your inner sexual pilot light on," sex therapist Megan Fleming, Ph.D., says. This includes watching porn, masturbating or reading erotic stories.
2. Figure Out What Your Ideal Sex Life Is Like...Together
- It's not all about you, man. That's why Fleming suggests this: "Start with painting the scene, (saying), 'this is the sex life I want with you.'" Once you figure out what you want together—even if nothing overwhelming or a major change from your normal routine—sex will instantly be better.
3. Plan It
- This may seem strange because it takes the highly-anticipated moment and narrows it down to a schedule, but for those who have kids or are just too busy with work, it's still essential to make sure you're getting yours. Says Fleming, "For most couples—especially with kids—if you don't plan it, it's not gonna happen. You don't enjoy it any less because you planned it."
4. Don't Relegate Foreplay To Just Before Sex
- According to sex therapist Vanessa Marin, "Have foreplay throughout the day! Foreplay shouldn't be limited to three minutes before you start having intercourse. Keep the fires burning and the anticipating levels high by seducing each other all day long." Yep, this includes things like suggestive text messages and teasing one another while changing or hopping in the shower.
5. Don't Take Your Partner's Mood Personally
- There have probably been times when we all read into your significant other's mood and think they're mad at us about something. According to Jane Greer, Ph.D., that's the last thing you want to have happen. "Stay in touch with your own desire and continue to put it out there. Leave them the space to have separate moods and energy."
Now, does this mean that you should take this advice, quit your job, move to L.A. and become the next big porn star? Hardly. What it does mean, though, is that, with a little bit of work, effort and change in your routine, you can please your lady the way that she really wants you to. Oh, and you may be a little more satisfied, too.
For the full tips from sex therapists on how to have better sex, make sure to read the full article over on Redbook.