There's certain rules that every man has to abide by at every BBQ. Here’s our indispensable guide on how to act like a man when the going gets tough.
> No saying, “Put another shrimp on the barbie.” Even if you have shrimp.
> Cater to vegetarians by buying some halloumi but tell them they are on their own when it comes to cooking it.
> Don’t wrap a banana in tinfoil and cook it. It doesn’t taste of anything.
> Nobody on earth can properly cook a sausage on a barbecue. So at least watch a YouTube tutorial beforehand.
> Don’t be a dick about staking a claim on the barbecure. It’s a grill. If someone else wants to stand over it for hours with tongs, tuck into the beers and let them.
> Remember that lighting a barbecus is the world’s most effective rain dance, so be ready to cover all the salads with clingfilm, bang the lid on the grill and sprint to the pub when the heavens open.
> You’ll be judged on the amount of condiments you put out. Even if everyone just uses ketchup, you’ll need at least seven types of mustard.
> Some men are going to want to watch you cook. They are going to stand there in a bukkake-scene configuration, silently nursing beers and watching you flip steaks. They are not even hungry, it’s just a primal thing. Men like to see meat cooked.