Ever ask yourself one simple question: "How To Be A Man?" It's something that might creep into your head every so often after a bunch of other guys have, seemingly, ruined it for the real men out there.
We don't need to get into the details, but we're sure you've heard a bunch of stories about guys being so jackassery that it gives the guys who get it a bad rap. Well, unsurprisingly, ladies have taken notice, too, meaning they're even more cautious when it comes to dating or trusting a guy in an age of social media and cheating stories uncovered left and right.
How to be a man isn't chopping down trees and brushing your teeth with nails, but something a hell of a lot more. We asked actress and British radio personality, Brooke Burfitt, to help describe what a true gentleman looks like in the year 2017, so pay close attention and see if you fit the bill.
When asked what kind of man I’m looking for, my answer is simple: “a gentleman”. And, yet, that is such a broad and vague term that means different things to different people. What does it exactly mean to me?
A gentleman is someone that is thoughtful, kind, respectful and considerate of other people’s feelings, whilst also being strong and confident. Men are often afraid of appearing old-fashioned and sexist. It can be daunting to know what is required of a gentleman in the year 2017, so here are a few pointers.
Don’t confuse a gentleman with being ‘effeminate’. It’s the opposite, actually. It’s masculine and sexy. A gentleman is thoughtful and protective. What’s sexier than that!?!
Women can take care of themselves and survive perfectly fine on their own. But, just because we can, doesn’t mean we want to. To be loved, cared and looked after is something we all yearn for. If you do any gesture out of respect and genuine concern, it will never be taken as sexist. For example, opening a door or paying the bill are both things we can do, but if you want to do it, without expecting anything in return, it will always be greatly appreciated.
Holding a chair at a restaurant is often done by the waiter, but, when I see a man do that for his lady, I can immediately see that he is focused on her comfort, and is almost certainly a gentleman. I love it when a man asks me what I intend to order, and then places the order for me. Again, some would assume this is rude, but, to me, it shows he is paying attention and taking control.
A gentleman doesn’t push to get into a girl’s pants and, the funny thing is… this approach usually leads to her offering it up to him so much quicker! As soon as the pressure is taken away, we are more open to the vulnerability needed to be intimate. A woman must have her guard up for all the leeches out there and so, by playing it cool, you will not pose a threat and the passion will quickly heat up.
Women can be hugely successful and confident. Unfortunately, the truth remains that women alone are targets. This is where a gentleman can help. Put her in a cab, call an Uber and check to see if she got home safely. Offer to walk her to her door, but don’t insist if she doesn’t feel comfortable.
Men in the 1900s did not have phones or social media. It’s a whole different ballgame with all the distracting gadgets. A gentleman should never be on his phone during dinner. If a message from your buddies or another girl can grab your attention, then the lady you're with will know where she is on your priority list. Of course, a true gentleman, even if not interested in the woman, would respect her as a person to give her his attention for that short space of time. No reasonable person would ever be insulted if you have an important call from work or family, but that should be the exception.
Never be late. It’s rude. Traffic is not an excuse. In the same token, a lady shouldn’t make you wait too long. On the few occasions that someone was late for a date with me by ten minutes or more, I realized they didn’t get excited enough about the evening as I did, so it never progressed for me; no matter what words of adoration and compliments came my way.
Finally, a gentleman is great at conversation. This is a skill which takes a level of maturity and experience. You can tell a gentleman a mile away because, in a room full of diverse people of ages and backgrounds, he'll make everyone feel comfortable. When he speaks to someone, he makes them feel like they matter. Perhaps, most important of all, a gentleman will be careful with his words so as not to mislead, and will never says things with an ulterior motive. Often, men simply say what they think women want to hear. Integrity is key. Your words must have an honest motivation. Unless you really have met "The One," don’t say it. Brutal honesty isn’t always appropriate either! But, if you say words out of kindness and not simply to get her into bed as quickly as possible, you will be well on the way to being a true gentleman.
Brooke Burfitt plays a fame hungry kidnapped celebrity in the movie, By Any Means on Amazon Prime, Amazon VOD, iTunes and Cable TV across the U.S. and Canada.
Lead image via Pierangelo Lanfranchi, with make-up by Christopher Vee and hair from Stylz by Traci.