It's five drinks in during a night out with your friends, and across the bar you see her— the girl who stands out in a sea of bobbing heads and spilled beers. But how do you approach her without coming across like you're desperate, or worse, some sort of total creep? Luckily, destiny and our relationship editor, Girl On The Net, are on hand to clear up your booze-soaked blunders so you're better prepared next time. Here are some scenarios to consider—and some to avoid entirely.
1. Order Her The Brightest Cocktail On The Menu And Have The Bartender Send It Over
Destiny says: "Fantastic!"
Girl On The Net says: "Good in principle, but how about sending the waiter over to ask what she wants instead? There’s no pressure, and you can bow out if she’s not interested."
FHM says: After you order her the drink, expect nothing. But look at her when she gets the drink, smile, and do a little head nod. Worst case scenario, you're a helluva gentleman.
2. Buy A Table In The VIP Section And Invite Her To Come Over
Destiny says: "Having space and privacy is sexy, but you could easily come off as a total douchebag."
Girl On The Net says: "This might make you look like you want any old girl to come over. But, if the club is rubbish, she may be glad of somewhere to chill out."
FHM says: This method seems like serious overkill, but it really depends on the bar or club you're at. If you're going to get a table, make the experience fun -- because tomorrow, that bill is going to hurt.
3. You’ve Asked The DJ To Do A Call-Out And Play Billy Ocean’s "Suddenly"
Destiny says: "Seriously? That’s so embarrassing."
Girl On The Net says: "A high-risk situation. If she’s a proper cheesy romantic, this is likely to go down a storm. If not, you’ll have an entire song to cringe through before the nightmare ends."
FHM says: This is what we call something that never happens, and shouldn't. This is the real-life version of a cringe video. Who even proposed this scenario?
4. You Stage A Dance-Off With Your Friends To Prove Your Worth And Grab Attention
Destiny says: "That’s embarrassing but kinda
cute. I do love a goofball"
Girl On The Net says: "If you can make this funny, go for it. If you look like a gang of rutting stags fighting to win a lady, you’ll probably be heading home alone."
FHM says: If you can’t backflip off the bar into splits without spilling your drink, you shouldn’t even try this. Seriously, just go talk to her already.
5. You Tell Her You’re A Billionaire fFreman Who Trains Blind Dolphins In Outer Space
Destiny says: "Nice try. Do I look like a gold digger? What’s wrong with you?"
Girl On The Net says: "Go for it – as long as you can back it up when she asks to pet your dolphin. I’d want to find out what he actually did to warrant inventing such bullshit."
FHM says: If you feel like you've got to lie to a girl about who you are in order to win her over, you've got much bigger problems in life. Try fixing those first before you go on the prowl. And remember, even George Constanza had game when he lived at home with his parents while unemployed.
6. Your Chat-Up Line Involves A Pack Of Cards And Eight Of Your Best Magic Tricks
Destiny says: "I like magic, but not in a club, thanks."
Girl On The Net says: "No one wants to be forced to watch anything but, if you do know a trick, go for it. If all else fails, pretend you’re doing it for tips."
FHM says: It's not magic, it's an illusion. And so is the notion that this would ever work. The closest you should get to any trick in front of her is opening a beer bottle with a lighter.
7. You Repeatedly Do The ‘Throwing-The-Fishing-Line-And-Reeling-You-In’ Move While Winking At Her From Across The Bar
Destiny says: "That’s cute ... I think. Buy me
a drink and we’ll chat!"
Girl On The Net says: "Sadly, you guys are often taught that the key to chatting up is persistence. It isn’t. The key to chatting up is to know when she’s not interested, and stop."
FHM says: What is this scenario even? Nothing is sexier to a woman than being a man. John Wayne up. Go up to her, ask her her name. Tell her yours. Ask her what she’s drinking then if it's low get her another one. If there's chemistry, keep talking to her. If the bar is too loud, get her number and text her yours. Then, call her within the next couple of days.
And remember, if you're going to pick a girl up from the bar, be sure she's the type you could bring home to mom.