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How To Join The Mile High Club And (Probably) Not Get Busted

Joining the Mile High Club is a badge of honor. It's also on most couples' sex bucket lists, probably because it's so difficult to accomplish and it has an awesome name.

Unfortunately, for some couples, their attempts are often foiled. Either someone gets too nervous, or worse, they're shamed when the pilot gives them his best wishes over the intercom to the cheers of other passengers. They didn't have our useful guide to getting it on in high altitude, but thankfully you do.

We asked relationship editor, Girl on the Net, about how to get down and dirty while you're 33,000 feet up in the air. We're not saying you should, but if you are, it turns out it's quite a challenge.

First, Decide What 'Counts' As Joining The Club

"If what's exciting is the idea of doing something a bit illicit, then a quick BJ or hand job under those blankets they hand out when it's cold totally counts. A wank in the toilets? Probably less so, but that's a piece of cake. I've done all of these things, and at least a quick (very subtle) hand job means you can stay comfy in your seat and not have to mess around in a toilet the size of a shoebox."

Watch Out For The Changing Of The Guard

"If you're on a long flight, usually the flight attendants will have a switchover point where some of them go off for a break (I have a friend who used to be one, and they have a special compartment they can go to and get a bit of shut-eye). If there are fewer of them around, it should be easier to sneak past and go to the toilet."

Always Respect The Stewardesses

"If you're cocky or loud or brash, they'll have their eyes on you—they pretty much always know when there's a couple who fancies joining the club. If you can charm them they may look the other way or at least not haul you out on your ass if they spot you emerging from the toilet with someone else.

First Class Isn't Always Better

"Some people would say this is easier in first class, but I disagree—in first class (I've only been in it twice) there are more flight attendants per passenger, so it's harder to sneak past them. Focus on drinking all the free booze instead."

Feign Sickness

"If you're really, really ill, it's unlikely anyone's going to want to follow you to the toilet. Don't make a big song and dance about it, but if you have (or your other half has) been surreptitiously sick into a bag, and the other is concerned rather than horny, they may well let you in to take the other one a bottle of water/hold their hair back/check they're OK. They'll be hovering, though."

And If All Else Fails, Become A Flight Attendant

"As you can probably gather, doing the deed in airplane bathrooms is phenomenally hard—I have tried many many times and never succeeded (on trains, though? WAY easier). So short of hiring a private jet, this is probably the closest you'll get to the dream. Take the training, become a flight attendant, buy a ticket for your loved one, then escort them to the toilet yourself. I mean, you'll get fired, obviously, but you'll have made it in the end."

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