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Former "Santas" Reveal The Most F'd Up Thing They've Ever Been Asked For

Image Via Getty

We can't think of a more dismal reality than being a shopping mall Santa Claus. Sure, starvation and homelessness sound pretty awful too, but the suit? The beard? Woof, no thank you. In fact, the entire concept just feels creepy. That being said, traditions are hard to break — especially the ones that result in million of dollars of holiday shopping sales. Santa Claus is here to stay, friends. Might as well make the best of it, right? With that, we present to you possibly the funniest/strangest Christmastime topic we've ever covered.

via GIPHY

Honestly, when we first got the idea to look into this field, we couldn't have imagined just how big of a former Santa community exists on the internet. Then again, reddit never disappoints with such odds and ends — if anything, it's biggest internet blackhole there is. Special shout out to reddit user, sleepykitten for posing the following question and opening our eyes to the gruesome world of Kris Kringle:

"Former Santas of Reddit, what was the strangest or sweetest thing a child asked Santa for Christmas?"

Of course, being FHM, we decided to focus on the "strangest" element. Sorry, we're just not really in the business of highlighting all the sweet things about children, let alone during the holidays. Men have enough BS to deal with.

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DEFCON 1

Comment from discussion Former "Santas" of Reddit, what was the strangest or sweetest thing a child asked Santa for Christmas?.


Satan, Is That You?

Comment from discussion Former "Santas" of Reddit, what was the strangest or sweetest thing a child asked Santa for Christmas?.


Alright, This Is Just Cute

Comment from discussion Former "Santas" of Reddit, what was the strangest or sweetest thing a child asked Santa for Christmas?.


Yep, Still Counts

Comment from discussion Former "Santas" of Reddit, what was the strangest or sweetest thing a child asked Santa for Christmas?.


Uh, Sure, Kid

Comment from discussion Former "Santas" of Reddit, what was the strangest or sweetest thing a child asked Santa for Christmas?.


Methy Christmas

Comment from discussion Former "Santas" of Reddit, what was the strangest or sweetest thing a child asked Santa for Christmas?.


Mind Hunters Season 2

Comment from discussion Former "Santas" of Reddit, what was the strangest or sweetest thing a child asked Santa for Christmas?.


Your Kid Is Broken, Pal

Comment from discussion Former "Santas" of Reddit, what was the strangest or sweetest thing a child asked Santa for Christmas?.


Aside from the pure amusement, we sincerely hope this article doubled as a kickass form of birth control. As you clearly read, children, while cute, are mostly demonic little future serial killers. Happy holidays, y'all.

To read the full thread, head over to reddit for more reasons to never, ever become a volunteer (or paid) Santa over the holidays.

Lead Image Via Getty

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