Having grown up with brothers, I have witnessed some bathroom activity throughout my life that can only really be described as nightmarish. I wish I were being dramatic, but, a las, I'm not. I guarantee I could rally many sisters across the globe who feel the very same way. That being said, the older I get, the more I've come to realize that this nightmarish bathroom etiquette stems far beyond childhood homes. Some of you guys do this sh*t (pun intended) at work! I cannot tell you how many times I walk into the gender neutral bathroom to see the seat left up (more on that later, of course).
I don't want to go on some high maintenance diatribe about how disgusting men are! It's not about that. In fact, these questions are coming from one place, and one place only — curiosity. I genuinely want to know why some of this behavior persists. Beyond that, I want to know if you guys are even aware of it. Is there some biological predisposition men have to being completely blind to the piss trail they leave behind? Who knows? I'm going to go ahead and leave these questions here. Should any of you feel compelled to answer, by all means, you know where the comment section is!
1) Why do you insist on leaving the seat up in a public bathroom? Is it because you don't want to touch the public toilet seat when you're done peeing? If so, why don't you just put down the seat with your foot. Problem solved.
2) Is getting urine in the toilet difficult? No, seriously, I want to know. It seems a lot of you enjoy peeing on or around the toilet and frankly, I'm concerned it's some sort of cognitive handicap.
3) When you shave, what do you think happens to the hair in the sink? From what I've witnessed it appears as if a lot of you think the hair is going to grow legs and walk itself down the drain. I'm here to announce that, unfortunately, it doesn't work that way.
4) If you've ever used someone else's razor (i.e. your sister's or your girlfriend's) what in the fresh hell made you think that was a solid idea? Furthermore, why don't you even bother tapping out the pound of hair stuck inside? Do you think you're being sneaky or do you simply not care?
5) Speaking of shaving — let's have the uncomfortable pubic hair conversation, shall we? You do realize texturally speaking, it's pretty coarse. You can't assume that it's just going evaporate from the floor of the shower. Again, unfortunately, that's not how that works.
6) Towels, tissues, and toilet paper — The Holy Trinity of bathroom accoutrements. These will make up the next few questions. For starters, why do you hang wet towels on top of other wet towels? Basic knowledge of how things dry would clearly lead you to believe that's a bad idea, right?
7) Toilet paper — you need to replace it. That is all. Yes, I realize that's not a question, but, exceptions need to be made for subjects this important.
8) Tissues — I don't care what you're using them for, but, please, don't take 15 of them because you can't manage to separate a single one from the box. Also, don't push them down so far that the box appears to be empty. Why are you guys like this? Seriously, who hurt you?
9) Be honest, how filthy does a bathroom have to get before you're too grossed out to use it? I truly believe the limit does not exist. I'd love (more than anything) to stand corrected.
OK, so, yes, I did rant — a little bit! Truth be told, it could have gotten a lot uglier had I not actively been doing breathing exercises throughout this whole thang. Consider yourselves lucky. On the real though, I can't speak for women everywhere, but I'd venture to say I'm not the only gal who's wondering about this stuff! Explain yourselves, please. Chances are we'll listen without yelling (for a couple of minutes, anyway).
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