Look, at the end of the day, I'm not in the business of telling people how to live their lives. If you want to exist as a garbage human until you're lowered into the ground — that's on you, homie. The best I can do is offer advice, right? Right! In the spirit of that, I've been facing some difficulties as of late when it comes to my dealings with mankind. Not mankind in the larger sense, but literally man-kind — dudes, bros, hombres, amigos, gents, fellas, lads — you get the gist.
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I don't want to be rude, because truthfully, I love men. I'm not not even in the romantic staring at your buldge sort of way, but in the way that makes me a guy's girl. I grew up with brothers, I respect male energy, I UNDERSTAND male energy, but I'm sorry Gentlemen, when in the fresh hell did the concept of basic hygiene become so difficult for some of you?!
If women can shave their legs, paint their nails, pluck their eyebrows, throw on spanx, and lotion-up all before 8:00 AM, you can SURELY abide by the following 8 suggestions. No, forget suggestions — ORDERS. These are ORDERS.
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