Dr Emily Nagoski - remember her? The sexpert scientist whose reddit AMA was a complex but sexy revelation§.
She's gone and introduced the idea of the 'sex drive' not existing, in an interview with New Scientist.
Apparently, apparently, it’s actually something else altogether.
So, what is the truth?
According to Emily, there are two main forms of desire (none of which have anything to do with the fabled sex drive).
Spontaneous desire is something that happens with you think about something sexy, and suddenly, you’re ready to, you know.
Responsive desire is kind of the opposite. It’s when you react to an arousing situation. Emily describes it best with the following scenario: “So, your partner comes over and starts kissing your neck and you’re like, “oh right, sex, that’s a good idea.”
What’s more is that Emily’s research suggests that 70% of men experience spontaneous desire.
Contrast that to the Emily's suggested 10 - 20% of women who experience spontaneous desire as their primary sex style, and you can see where all of that ‘our sex drives don’t match’ malarkey comes from.
Well, follow some expert advice on how to increase the chance of you and your partner experiencing spontaneous desire...
01 Communicate with your partner, obviously
This one is a no-brainer. Talk about things and what you can do to inspire more cases of spontaneous desire.
02 Non-sexual touching is good
Emily says that more non-sexy physical affection, like hugging or holding hands, is important for any relationship.
03 Don't panic
"Less worry and stress, and less performance pressure, you’ll actually start to respond more readily and have more instances of spontaneous desire," says Emily.
04 Check out some of the things that girls find sexy
We asked a bunch of girls (and comedian Daniel Sloss) what turns girls on. If you wanna be more specific, find out what your partner finds sexy. By asking her. See step one.