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Life Of Basic: Why Your Online Dating Game's The Same As Every Other Dudes

Image via Getty

There are a lot of online dating out there to help with more matches, better openers and all that good stuff. Problem is, with all the info out there on what to do, plenty of guys seem to ignore it and still do the things they want to do, falling into the trap of coming across as, are we say it, basic.

OK, gents, so online dating isn't brain surgery, but there is a technique to it that leads to success. And going from "hello" to "send pics" in a matter of 10 minutes isn't the right way to get there — even if your mind takes you there and the lady's throwing out those kind of vibes.

Guys approach this whole online dating thing in all sorts of ways. There's the suave type, the dumb but lovable kind, the persistent ones, the creeps, the negatives and, well, the list goes on forever. Whatever works for you, no judgement here. But let me say one thing, the Internet is the grand equalizer. I've spent a lifetime trying to figure out the magic recipe to getting a little something something off the 'gram and dating apps to only realize that all of our games are the exact damn same.

 

Gametime, Tip Off

Whether it's a swipe or a slide, every first contact is a Hail Mary. If you know the lady, you may try to rehash, literally, anything you can think of. "Sup baby girl, a heh. Remember that time you handed me that pen in 4th period history class in Middle School?" Yea she remembers. But she still ain't responding. Don't twist it, no response is not a 'no', it's a 'thanks for playing! Try again next time.' If you don't have a few girls in the DM that you're in a one way conversation with, then you're not shooting! I've always believed that you miss every shot ya don't take — especially when online dating.

The Comment Game

Guys know that every touchpoint is an opportunity. Stay top of mind, drop a couple eye emojis on a thirsty ass pic. Maybe send some heart emojis on a booty pic. Who cares who's watching — let ‘em watch! And when that ain't working, we comment sh*t that makes no sense, in context or logic. Hashtags that don't have any rhyme or reason, or acronyms that are completely out of context. Like, hitting a dime with a "LMK" on a pic of her dog frolicking through a flower garden. Does it make sense? Nope. Are we still confused why she doesn't respond? Absolutely.

The Numbers Game

We've all been there — you need a new piece, a change of scenery, maybe trying to forget about an ex or maybe you're in a new town and could use some company for the night. Hell, maybe you're just desperate and anything will do tonight — that's what online dating was invented for, right?!? We've all been down that road, playing the numbers game. It’s a simple game, and it involves the continuous flow of right swipes until you hit something. God, it can get exhausting! Not mentally, but like, thumb cramps are a thing. 

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Crunch Time

Finally, a bite! It's hard to not get nervous, you might even start to over think what you want to say. "Sup girl" who am I, Ryan Gosling? No that won't work... Scratch that. "Hiya" Hiya! That's something my little sister would say! When we can’t find something witty at first pass, we all go way too sexual, way too quick, typically landing somewhere between obscene and some straight unruly shit. Let's see where that takes us. If nothing else, you can get a good laugh about it with your boys.

Rinse-Wash-Repeat

Great, she responded, all those online dating tips worked! She found your dumb dad joke refreshing and you shared a laugh. If you're lucky, sometimes, this a-typical series of botched moves transpires into a modern day love story. But most of the time, it just leads to one less condom in your sock drawer. And ain't nothing wrong with that, who doesn't enjoy a good one-night stand?!? Hey, high five, fella!

Lead image via Getty.

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