Has Super Hans got the stomach for the manliest test on Earth?
Mashed avocado with a sprinkle of chili and a squirt of lemon juice. This bloke test is destined to go terribly.
My six-year old daughter, in a staring competition. She went for a good ten minutes, but then she backed right down. She knows I’m the daddy.
A forest. I went camping with my missus in the Aussie outback at the hottest time of year. I’d nailed a mosquito coil to a nearby tree, and forget to put it out over night. I was woken up by screams. I ran out the tent to the sight of four trees on fire. The landowners eventually came and put it out – they found it hilarious.
I found a dog running around in the road and returned it to its owner’s house. She opened the door, yanked the dog and never thanked me. I wish I'd fucking kept it.
Nope. I’ve been twerked upon, and it was not a pleasant experience.
£38. My hair is one of the only things I’ve got left. You get a nice jasmine tea and a Jack Russell called Binky sits on your lap.
No, that’s incredibly inappropriate. The woman should always pay. That’s my only rule.
When I was 13, and it got me my first snog. I was at a party with a skinhead girl who I really fancied. She had a cool scar on her face – a real fractured beauty to her. She asked me to shotgun a beer, then grabbed me. It was the greatest night of my life.
It Follows. It’s a truly chilling, trippy, dream-like film.
No. I’ve got very good bladder control, even when I’m unconscious.
Neither, and anyone who does is a mentalist.
In your kitchen? Thousands of hours. In the street? Zero seconds. That’s game over.
I can’t stand it. A wet thing on top of a dry thing? That’s depressing.
You know when you think the singers are about to go, but then the music swells, and they’re through after all? Sobbing, mate.
No, because he doesn’t exist. Look: I’m the devil, so just fucking leave it.
You’re on the brink of total blokedom, Matt – but any man who has a problem with pizza has a problem with us.
Matt King is working with Glass Door Homeless Charity to provide meals this winter. Donate online through their PLEDGIT page.