We hate to come off as condescending, guys, but today we're going to talk to y'all about penis health care and you better freakin' listen. Sure, you can go ahead and ignore our advice, but don't come crying to us when it shrivels up and falls off. Yes, that can happen. OK, no, it can't. Still, it's important to take care of Johnson — you only get one in this life. Erm, technically you could buy a fake one or maybe have a plastic surgeon construct a new one, but we imagine that would cost a lot of money.
In the video below, you'll find 10 points highlighting common bad habits that directly effect the well-being of your wiener. Be honest with yourself, if you see some familiar behavior, don't be ashamed! Just adjust your lifestyle — which, of course, will offer some tips on after the video.
Anyone feeling overwhelmed? Don't worry, we were too. We know that video was a real boner-killer, but the good news is that we have some ideas to remedy these bad habits. We're not going to address all of them, but more specifically the ones we find more relevant to readers. Consider this your SparkNotes version of penis health care.
Get More Exercise
The idea of working out can pretty daunting for most people. Instead of becoming some crazy, roided-out #FitFam junkie, just take it slow. Start implementing little exercise routines into your life like going for walks. Hell, even just walking for 30 minutes can dramatically increase the quality of your life and subsequently, your penis.
Have More Sex
OK, we don't need to really convince you guys to do this, right? If your love life is a little lackluster, don't stress over it. Invest in some toys and call it a day — we've got your ultimate guide right here. Thank us later.
Smoke Less Weed
The research on this differs depending on who you're talking to and what region of the country you're in. The way we see it? If you want to smoke weed, smoke weed — in moderation, as with anything else in life.
Get Better Sleep
Male, female, dog, cat, bearded dragon, it doesn't matter — getting a good night's sleep is impossible for most living things. Why? Stressors from everyday life, medical condition, crappy mattress — the reasons are endless. Our best advice? Take some Ambien. No, totally joking! Drugs are not the answer. We recommend using breathing exercises: Breathe calmly through your nose for 4 seconds, hold your breath for 7 seconds, breathe out slowly through your mouth for 8 seconds. Should knock you out in about 60 seconds!
There you have it, guys! Keep your manhood happy and healthy and remember, safe sex is the best sex.
Lead Image via Getty