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People Spilled Their Embarrassing First Date Stories And I'm Guessing They Never Got A Second Date After These

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First dates are always difficult. I mean, you're meeting up with a stranger who you've openly admitted to being physically attracted to, somewhat emotionally attracted to, and are now all alone on an island to be judged for the next few hours to see if there's anything more there.

And while you can read about what to do to have the ideal first date, things never really go as planned, leaving you open to embarrassment and, more than likely, no chance at landing a second date.

For those who think they've blown it before, here are some Reddit stories about some horrific first dates that will make you feel a little bit better about yourself—or not, but at least these are still funny.

 

  • "We met online so we weren't completely used to seeing what one another looks and carries themselves like. So at first, we planned to meet outside the subway and walk to get food. When I got outside the subway when I arrived to the meeting space, I couldn't see her even though she said what she'd be wearing and I said what I'd be wearing. I thought I saw her but I wasn't sure. Apparently she ran into Starbucks for some reason. Maybe nerves or she just thought I was standing her up. So I texted her asking if that was her. I didn't call, I texted. She said it was her. So she went outside and I crossed the intersection toward Starbucks, both of us awkwardly smiling. When we approached each other we just started walking on the sidewalk with no handshake or anything. She finally reached her hand out for a handshake when she realized how awkward she made it by having closed off body language. We got food at different restaurants at the food court because she wanted Indian food and I was too hungry to risk eating something I've never tried. When we got to the park, we sat on a bench, food between us. But not before watching street performers for way too long."

     

  • "At the end of the date I said goodbye at the subway entrance. But she was going into the same subway entrance. So I had said goodbye and then we walked next to one another for like 300 feet. And then when I got to my train car, it was really full and about to take off so I ran and jumped into the doors and they closed on my sides."

     

  • "We were at the back patio of a bar. I asked "You trust me to get you a drink?" Now, I was trying to harken back to an earlier part of the conversation where she said she was pretty particular about her drinks and only liked certain ones. I sounded like I was trying to date rape her and boy oh boy could I tell that's how it went over."

     

  • "Worst date: Massive crush on a guy for months and he finally asks me out. I was so nervous that I drank half a bottle of port on an empty stomach before going to meet him. We head out and he takes me to a new bar his friend has just opened... champagne on the house. Everything was becoming a blur and I was feeling no pain. We decide to head back to his via cab. This is when I recreated the scene from The Exorcist in the back of the vehicle. Mostly it's a port/champagne cocktail. After him tipping the cabbie an extra 50 to fumigate his upholstery we head into his cool flat where we both agree I need a bath. Cue hot soapy bubbles from this long suffering guy and I manage to lock the door and sink under the sweet scented foam. Bliss. Until I come round with him dragging me out of the bath - apparently he'd been knocking for a while and I was semi-conscious and slipping under the water. Wake up in his bed naked the next morning, horrific hangover with the bathroom door kicked down and the doorframe in splinters. When I asked if we "did it" he replied in the negative, stating "It would have been like necrophilia". Amazingly we did continue to go out for quite a while after that."

     

  • "Out of town for a business trip, I had a few friends in that city and got a date with a girl I had been flirting with for months. We went to this fancy Japanese restaurant and I invited her to my hotel room. She accepted so she told her mother she'd sleep over at a friend's house and we took a cab. It was supposed to be the most amazing sexual experience ever. We had been teasing each other for a long time and we could barely keep our hands off each other on the street and in the taxi. So in the room we had about an hour of making out before starting foreplay. This was back in the early ages of smartphones, which meant none of us had looked at our phones for hours. Suddenly the bedside phone rang. Dammit. It was 11PM. Why would they bother me? I picked it up, it was my mom. She had been calling me all night because she was worried. Because I hadn't picked up my phone she got increasingly paranoid, so she called my boss, who gave his secretary's phone, who looked at her notebook to give the name of the hotel I was staying in so she could call there and ask them to put me through. Yep. So there I was, naked, with a condom on picking up a phone with a hot girl naked beside me and I say "Mom?!". The girl almost laughed her ass off. After a couple of minutes of "Yes, mom, no mom, sorry mom" I was finally able to hang up. I had my back turned at the girl and was too embarrassed to turn around to face her. And the more it took me to do it, the more she'd laugh. But thankfully she was a good sport and got us going again. Phone vibrated again. Holy shit. This time it was hers. "Hi mom"."

     

  • "I was sweating profusely. It was south east Tennessee in August. I was really into the girl and was incredibly nervous. We had hung out a bit the previous weekend and it was a lot more casual and we had a ton of fun. This was the dinner date. We went to this nice little Italian place. Dinner went great. I tossed my card on the check to pay and she snatched it up and held it so she could pay for our food but I had a spare card and handed it to the server right when he walked up. She laughed about it and thought it was cute and funny that I had a spare card. We decided to walk down to the park afterwards and hang out. After being outside a bit, I started to sweat like I was in an SNL skit. Now, I'm a south east TN native and I'm used to the heat and humidity so It must've been because I was nervous. We walked around the park and talked some. All I could think was how fucking sweaty I was and how gross I must have looked. (Yea. I know. I made it worse on myself.) We go back to our cars. I was going to kiss her but figured I was too gross so we hugged and went our separate ways. I didn't text her because I was pretty embarrassed. I built it up way too much in my head. I learned a valuable lesson."

     

  • "Ate a steak, then got nauseous from nerves. Had to run to the restroom, but I didn't quite make it. I threw up bloody bits of beef all over the bathroom floor."

     

  • "I went to a baseball game with her and got completely shithammered. I was really nervous and figured a beer or two would loosen me up a bit. It did. We were having a great time, but then I forgot to stop drinking. She drove me home and I had to ask my sister to take me back the next day to pick up my ride."

     

    You can read the entire thread over on Reddit to help educate you on the things you should absolutely never do to save yourself from complete and utter embarrassment on a first date.

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