For those of you who are entirely unaware of what Britney Spears circa 2007 even means, you should really be ashamed of yourselves. Having a decent pop culture education is paramount nowadays, but whatever, if you want to be a socially-awkward-can't-hold-a-conversation-at-dinner-parties sort of dude, that's on you.
Because it's Monday and I'm sleepy, I'll go ahead and explain it to you. I'm always nicer when I'm sleepy. 2007 was the year that Britney Spears went through a complete and total mental breakdown. Her most famous act being the shaving of her beautiful blonde locks. No, she didn't go to the hair salon and have her head shaved by a professional, she shaved it herself. That, my friends, is some grade A looney-bin behavior and ultimately it's set the bar for Hollywood meltdowns ever since.
That is why I have appropriately deemed Pepsi, "The 2007 Britney Spears Of Soda Companies." Seriously, WTF are these guys doing?? First, they release some bullshit pseudo attempt at "curing" racism featuring the leggier of The Jenner Sisters, then they apologize for that awful commercial, BUT only TO said Jenner sister?? Now, they're releasing a flavor of soda reminiscent of everyone's LEAST favorite alcoholic beverage?
If you like Fireball, like ACTUALLY like it, not just drink it when you're already blacked out, then I bet you're attracted to your cousin (your FIRST cousin). That's just how I feel, I'm sorry. I have drank Fireball in my life, by the way.
In case I one day run for office and people try to sabotage me with my secrets, I want to leave a proper paper trail in my own words—so, yes, I have drank it, I've just never enjoyed it (because by the time I'm drunk enough to consume it, my taste buds don't work).
Anyway, here's the official information. According to PR Newswire—"Pepsi is encouraging fans to 'Get It While It's Hot™' with the launch of its newest limited-edition beverage, Pepsi Fire. Beginning May 22, Pepsi Fire – the refreshing cola with a cinnamon flavored twist – will be available in stores nationwide for an eight-week period.
It's just so....wrong.