Image via Nadia King
Between the Internet, what your buddies are telling you and the half-remembered nuggets of information from sex-ed classes, it’s hard to know what to believe when it comes to bedroom myths.
Luckily, FHM is here to sort out fact from fiction, with the help of our expert panel—everyone’s favorite FHM girlfriend Lois, and iconic TV doctor, Christian Jessen.
Sex Myth 1: It's Possible To Enlarge Your Penis
You’ve always felt that you’ve been a touch below average since that girl from the year above laughed at you when you got it out down the park.
Now, with the influx of emails for big-cock pills pouring into your spam folder and talk of penile enhancement surgeries, maybe it’s the time…
Lois: “For men with small penises, it’s probably a comfort. I mean, you can make your legs longer, so there must be something you can do? If it’s possible to have a sex change and get a penis made from scratch, then surely someone can make what you’ve already got bigger?”
Dr Christian: “It is possible. There are a number of ways. The least invasive is a technique called jelqing, which is kind of stretching your penis. But you have to do it all day, every day for about six months. You can get penile stretching frames, too. You might not damage yourself, but if you’re really so obsessed that you’re willing to pull on your knob for six months, then there’s probably something else going on. And then there are surgical options—injecting fat, which sort of works, and silicone. That’s a horrible effect. Those penis-pills emails are absolute bollocks, though.”
Sex Myth 2: Your Nationality Determines Your Penis Size
The girl you’re seeing has everything. She’s funny, sexy, smart and well travelled. Maybe a bit too well travelled. She’s dated guys from France, Italy, Korea, Nigeria and somewhere called Micronesia.
Naturally, this has you worrying about how you measure up to her previous flames…
Lois: “I can’t personally speak from experience. I’ve friends who have slept with people from different ethnicities, rather than different nationalities, and that would lead me to believe there is a difference.”
Dr Christian: “It is true, though most of the studies are flawed as they rely on self-measurement. But there’s a sense of average size. Places like Ghana, the Congo, Lebanon and Sudan come out above average, and countries like Korea, Taiwan and Thailand come out below. It’s genetic variation, related to the size of the women and criteria like that.”
Sex Myth 3: Like Ladies Have The G-Spot, Guys Have The P-Spot
You’ve got back from a spectacularly successful blind date, and everyone involved is now nude. She seems game for anything. Notably when she offers to stick her finger up your bum to give your P-spot the once-over. Should you go with it?
Lois: “As lovely as it sounds, it’s not necessarily an area I want to probe into. From men I’ve spoken to, a lot wouldn’t try that. I don’t see why you wouldn’t, though. If you want women to have anal sex, there should be some give and take. Literally. But if somebody asked me to, I mean obviously not a stranger, but if it was a request, I probably would. I’d entertain the idea.”
Dr Christian: “Absolutely true. The prostate is connected directly to the base of the penis and is already involved very much in sex. For men who find it hard to orgasm, stimulation of the perineum—the bit between your balls and your b-hole—with a finger really helps, and that’s stimulating the prostate. And it gives a longer, more intense orgasm. The myth is that anal sex is for gay men. The reality is that a lot of straight men have anal sex but don’t admit it.”
Sex Myth 4: Girls Get No Stimulation From Anal Sex
It’s your birthday. You know what you’d like for your present, but you’re simply too shy to ask for it. Well, too shy and too frightened of getting a solid knee to the groin.
Is “catching the A-train” such a selfless act on the part of your lady love?
Lois: “I think it’s more of an excuse from women who don’t want to do it. I think that’s quite selfish. But then it’s personal preference. Maybe if you have, like, a really small ass it might not be much fun. But there’s lots of nerve endings there. I think it’s something the more you do, the more you enjoy it. Otherwise people wouldn’t do it.”
Dr Christian: “Not true—a lot of women do [get stimulation]. The clitoris has nerve endings that stretch quite far back – it’s not just a localized spot. You can get stimulation there as well as from the vagina. The sphincter muscles have lots of nerve endings, and that’s what anal sex is all about, the stretching sensation, so it can be pleasurable.”
Sex Myth 5: Women Prefer A Thick Penis To A Long One
You’ve got length. My goodness, you’ve got length. But it’s thin like a noodle of spaghetti. Your buddy Brian, on the other hand, has a penis so short and fat it should be named Danny DeVito.
Who, out of the pair of you, got the better deal?
Lois: “Length isn’t important. Women can only feel the first five inches anyway, apparently. Again, it’s preference, so maybe you can’t say it’s a complete myth. You don’t want anything too massive, that would be painful, but you don’t really want an Ikea pencil either.”
Dr Christian: “There was a study done with young women that took out love and physical attraction, looking at just physical mechanics, and the vast majority said that width is more important. Longer penises tend to be painful, because they bang against the cervix. The vagina is not that long; it’s the stretching that gives women greater pleasure.”
Sex Myth 6: Some Girls Just Can't Orgasm
You tried ginseng. You’ve cracked out the oysters. You bought a ground-up tiger’s penis on the internet and a special cream that gave you a rash.
Nothing seems to be bringing your special lady to the point of knee-trembling euphoria, and you’re starting to think maybe it’s a lost cause…
Lois: “I really hope that’s not true. I feel really sorry for them, if that is the case. That would be awful. But I guess it might be true. Maybe the people who think they can’t just aren’t doing it right. Or they’re having sex with the wrong people.”
Dr Christian: “It depends on the definition. Ten per cent of women have never had an orgasm, but that doesn’t mean they can’t. There are people with a condition called anorgasmia who don’t seem to be wired in the right way, but some women may not have done so because they’ve not found the right way for them. It could be that of that 10%, maybe 1% or even less are physically unable.”
Sex Myth 7: Sex Is Better In The Morning—But Men Last Longer At Night
It’s dawn. You find yourself somewhat aroused, which is generally accepted as a good starting point for coitus. But, dammit, had this been last night, you’d have been better disposed for a lengthy workout in the sack… or would you?
Lois: “Nope. The actual sex is probably better, but I don’t feel sexy when I’ve just woken up. Sex at night is better, because there’s the build-up to it—rather than waking up and finding you have a penis in your face.”
Dr Christian: “Men usually wake up with erections because testosterone peaks during the night, so they want to have sex. However, as you often need to pee in the morning, and having sex with a full bladder can make it more difficult to orgasm, you should really last longer in the morning than at night.”
All images via: Nadia King