2015 was an incredible year for those who thought it would be cool to engage in illegal activities, but then found out they were crap at it. Thankfully for us, there is nothing funnier than a dumb criminal. Nothing.
While we can’t really call the elderly lady thick per se for nicking a life jacket from a Cathay Pacific aircraft back in December, we have to give her top malice points. The woman was stopped passing through security and the $360 worth life vest was found tucked away in her luggage. What did she think the next person was going to do in an emergency situation?
While we love Snapchat here at FHM, this fool takes it to the next level! After being accused of armed robbery, prosecutors were astonished to find that the man in question had uploaded a selfie to Snapchat... with one of his victims.
A man told police that he was trying to “time travel” after crashing his car through the offices of a shopping centre and coming out the other side, in the good ol’ USA of course. The Dodge Challenger ploughed straight through a wall in Florida, injuring several financial advisers and destroying a coffin-making business. No news yet if he tried to kiss his mum beforehand.
Mohammed Rehman is currently enjoying a a minimum 25-year sentence at Her Majesty's Pleasure for planning to carry out an explosion in London. What makes him even more of a moron is that he took to Twitter to ask for advice on which of targets he should choose: "Westfield shopping centre or London underground? Any advice would be appreciated greatly." The post even had a link to an al-Qaida press release about the 2005 London bombings and Rehman's Twitter name was "Silent Bomber," with the handle @InService2Godd. His Twitter bio read: "Learn how to make powerful explosives from the comfort of ones' bedroom."
A North Carolina man accused of stealing a dog from an animal shelter and dyeing it purple faces several charges, including larceny and cruelty to animals. Why did he dye it purple? Who knows!
In Arlington, USA, a man was arrested and charged with abduction for allegedly preventing a computer repair technician from leaving his home until his computer was fixed. Police say that the accused, 50-year-old Joseph Nestor Mondello, "threatened to kill the victim" while holding a gun when the incident occurred at his residence on a Monday morning. While FHM never condones such actions, we have a glimmer of understanding...
A man died on Christmas Day in Germany after he was hit in the head by a flying piece of metal from a condom machine that he and two accomplices blew up in an apparent robbery attempt. Ripped for his pleasure.
In Sweden, a straw goat is a beloved symbol of Christmas. But every year it gets burnt down by an arsonist. This year police were lucky when they arrested a suspect wearing a balaclava and clothes reeking of lighter fluid. His face was covered in soot and his hair damaged by fire.
This says it all – a Sri Lankan man who was caught walking suspiciously was later found by authorities to be smuggling 400g of gold. Up his arse.
And the mum of the year award goes to Juanita Garcia, who was arrested last year for shaving her 7-year-old daughter's head and fraudulently claiming the child had cancer. She held fundraisers and pocketed the cash while even convincing her daughter she had the disease.