The 6 Stages Of Making A Late-Night Booty Call

Image via Shutterstock

You've just had a hell of a week at work, are planning on going to get some drinks with friends and see where the night takes you and, if you're lucky, you'll wake up next to someone you picked up at some point that night.

That all sounds good, but, rarely, is that how it all goes down.

Far too often, we all resort to the dreaded booty call, where we strikeout at the bar and feverishly go through all of our phone contacts to try and get someone, anyone, to come over for a little sexy time.

Since we can all relate, here are the six stages of making a late-night booty call—because we've all been there before.

6. Loneliness Sets In

You plop down to watch some late-night SportsCenter and eat a before-sleep snack when, all of a sudden, you get the urge to turn on a little porn on your phone. About three minutes in, you get turned on and start toying with the idea of texting people, hoping that someone will both reply and actually make the effort to come over.

5. You Talk To Yourself In The Mirror To Weight Your Options

Just as you're brushing your teeth, you see yourself in the mirror, are a little buzzed and realize that, dammit, you can't go to sleep without a little action. Rather than just take out your contacts, take a piss and head to your cozy bedsheets, you have an internal debate whether or not it's worth texting a bunch of people in your phone.

4. You Scroll Through Contacts And Narrow Your List

OK, so you've got about 200 contacts in your phone, with 12 of them being viable candidates whom will actually consider coming over. Of those 12, you subconsciously rank them and start firing off texts to your personal best/worst of the bunch—even though, deep down, it really doesn't matter.

3. You Copy/Paste The Same Message

Forget customizing conversations, it's late, you're turned on and lonely, and just want one person to acknowledge you. Rather than specifically text Rachel to ask how her presentation went the other day, or see where Megan ended up going out with friends tonight as she told you earlier, you savagely just copy/paste the same generic message to everyone.

2. You Either Balance Various Conversations Or Check Your Phone Repeatedly For Replies

You've either gotten the bite(s) you've been hoping for, with one, two or more ladies actually replying to your advances... Or, well, you haven't. It's the most important time in the late-night booty call process, as you've tossed out everything you possibly could with optimism that someone will reply. Unfortunately, you either go in circles with conversation with these women and get frustrated, or you don't actually receive anything in return.

1. You Pass Out After 15 Minutes, Admitting Defeat

It's officially over—and you finally realize it for yourself. Rather than waste precious hours of sleep by texting and trying everything you can to get anyone's attention to come over, you simply turn your back from the nightstand where your cell phone rests, close your eyes and accept defeat. Maybe next time, young buck!

MORE: 'How To Bring Up A Threesome With Your Significant Other'

Loading ...