Want to know the truth? After lying around with my girlfriend earlier, I started asking about what I should write about today. With conviction—and a bit of sarcasm—she said, "Why don't you write about talking dirty to your girlfriend."
While she may have been joking, sorry dear, but that's exactly what I'm going to do, so thanks for the inspiration.
Guys, we all love to say dirty shit while getting down and dirty with our ladies. Problem is, it isn't always sexy—and in some cases, can come across as creepy. With that in mind, here are the do's and don'ts while you're having sex.
Don't: Get Too Deep
No, we're not talking about too deep in there—that's usually a good thing for both of you—but, instead, about getting too technical or descriptive. The art of dirty talk is to be short, sweet and let your inner fantasies come to fruition. But, as mentioned above, don't be creepy, threatening or tell her a novel of things you'd like.
Do: Take Charge
No, this isn't supposed to come across as threatening or controlling, but it is supposed to show her that you know what you life, how you want her to do it and how you plan on getting her off. Being reluctant and bashful will only make things awkward—and question if this is your first rodeo.
Don't: Be Demeaning
Call her anything that might come across as sexist or inappropriate is not the way to go, guys. Sure, be rough, take charge and make it hot, but by all means, don't treat her like a piece of meat. You're better than that—and so is she.
Do: Call Her By Name
Whispering things into her ear while the two of you go at it is always going to get her hot, but when you tell you how good it feels—and actually use her name while doing so—she's going to know it's meaningful. Sex is more about just physical connection, so that emotional bond between you two is important, too.
It's all fun and good when you're both talking dirty, but don't straight-up lie to her while going at it. Keep it simple, keep it hot, keep it honest. There are little ways to mess this up, but lying about something stupid is absolutely one of them.
Do: Tell Her How Sexy She Is
Shocking! Girls like to be told they're attractive. And there's no better place to do that than when you're both breathing heavy and hormones are running wild deep inside your bodies. Telling her how sexy she is is more than just good for her confidence, though, as it will make her feel comfortable and more exploratory.
Don't: Be Bashful
Now's not the time to hold back and stick to missionary, guys. Explore the sexual beasts that you both are deep down by saying and then doing what your little mind desires. This means telling her what you're going to do to her and how you want her to ride you. As long as you're treating each other with respect with what you're saying and doing, it should all be fair game.
Do: Make It Spontaneous
We told you above how you shouldn't get too deep, so, along those lines, don't go in there with an agenda, fellas. There's no master book that will turn you into a rock star dirty talker, so don't let your mind wander with what's right to say and just go with what's on your mind—as long as it's not too over-the-top.
MORE: 'How To Become An Oral Sex Pro'