“Take your f*cking masculinity back!”
Those were the final words I heard during my trip to The Fearless Man, a three-day workshop in Los Angeles for men to build their confidence, learn the tricks to being more successful with women, taking risks and, more importantly, finding that their own problems are shared by millions of guys around the world — it just takes some recognition to retrain their minds.
So, you’re probably wondering how I found myself in the precarious position of going to a three-day man-fest where I’d be mentally and emotionally challenged more than I have in a long, long time, right? Well, a buddy of mine recommend I check them out, offering up an opportunity to go a few months ago. I balked, not only because of pride, but, more so, because I was in a relationship at the time with a beautiful woman who was a doctor that I was talking marriage with. I caught the big tuna, what the hell did I need to learn about meeting ladies or finding myself?
As it turns out, a sh*t ton!
With the relationship ending a few months ago, I’ve been lost, trying to figure out who I’ve been, what I want with the present and future and, naturally, doubting myself after realizing I changed a lot about my character for her, becoming codependent and insecure. What Fearless Man taught me was to take back control and build that inner strength, starting with your mind and moving down to your heart and gut.
This isn’t some kumbaya sh*t that has a bunch of guys crying on one another, promising them all that some Kool-Aid can cure their problems. What it is is a very intense, sophisticated technique that has the creators, Brian Begin and Dave Stultz, analyzing and critiquing every participant all weekend long, listening to the way they speak, carry themselves and use their body language during nonverbal communication.
Begin and Stultz use their FEARLESS philosophy — a personalized combination of video feedback, deep connection work, presence and body consciousness building, core belief, thought, and philosophy restructuring and real-world exercises — to build powerful confidence in students from the inside out.
Whether teaching in workshop or private-coaching formats, Begin and Stultz put heavy attention to detail on each client’s challenges through belief, thought and philosophy restructuring and real-world exercises to remove personal stumbling blocks so that natural confidence, communication and connection skills rise to the surface.
Look, I’m not going to lie to you, as soon as I got into the room and was surrounded by about 12 other men, I turned my ego level to the max, thinking, “Oh, yeah, I don’t need this. I don’t have trouble with women, never have! It’s these guys who need this, not me.”
Funny how a few hours opens up your eyes.
Ask yourselves this: Have you ever been asked to randomly say hello, with feeling, to 100 strangers in a crowded area in Los Angeles in one hour, where the dead looks and confusion hits you like a ton of bricks? That’s assuming you get any acknowledgement from people at all! Or, have you ever been tasked with going up to a pretty woman and spilling a dark secret about yourself as an icebreaker? Probably not. Oh, and let’s not forget about interrupting a group of ladies and telling at least one of them that you think they have amazing eyes or that the dress their wearing looks good on them. It’s awkward, uncomfortable and intimidating; but that’s what we had to do at times for two days during the workshop.
When not out in the field, we were busy analyzing our communication, actually being videotaped with models to see how we carried ourselves one-on-one. Oh, no, this wasn’t talking to them — if it had been, I may have gotten a few phone numbers — but, instead, an intense exercise in eye contact and nonverbal, staring into one another’s eyes and trying to get to one another’s souls.
By the end of the second day, your mind is exhausted, leaving you drained and susceptible to change — which is exactly where Brian and Dave want it.
Unfortunately, I had to jet out early Sunday morning, leaving me to miss the third and final day, which, in Brian’s words, “sort of brings all this mental exhaustion and critiquing into perspective.” Luckily, I had my closure, with Brian breaking me down and getting all that bitterness, heartache, resentment and anger out of me about my recently ended relationship. Hell, he even offered a chance to follow-up via video if I need anything — talk about full service, huh?
What Fearless Man did for me was give me my confidence back. It showed me that those insecure thoughts I have aren’t actually just my own. It allowed me to make myself vulnerable and open up. And, more importantly, it gave me a group of brothers for a weekend that allowed me to, “take my f*cking masculinity back” — which is a bold statement that most men need to hear every once in awhile… I just never thought I did until this workshop.