One way to open a bottle of champagne is as follows: bending your knees slightly, holding the end of the bottle with your stomach and desperately trying not wheeze in front of the in-laws.
Forget that. Here's how to man up and open a champagne bottle, properly...
Grip the bottle, press the bottom into your hip, then turn the bottle while holding the cork. In the end you should be able to twist it out with minimum fuss – though don’t point the would-be projectile at anyone.
Lunacy rating: 2/10
Shove the bottle into a shoe – a trainer works best – then bash the heel against a wall (we know, stick with us). Eventually, the force of your battering will have loosened the cork and you’ll be able to twist it off. And everyone will think you’re The Man. And you know what? They’ll be right.
Lunacy rating: 5/10
Take your sword – obviously you’ll have one to spare from your great-grandad’s adventures in the war – and press it flat against the neck of the bottle, an angle of about 30°. Slide it up and down slowly until you’re comfortable with the movement, then firmly bring the blade up and through the lip of the bottle. Et voilà, you’re the biggest show-off in town.
Lunacy rating: 8/10