The Super Bowl's Raunchiest Commercials Of All-Time (That We Can Actually Show)

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It’s advertising’s biggest stage, with companies spending as much as $5 million for just 30 seconds—so you better make it count!

We all have our favorites. For your parent,s it was Coke’s “Mean” Joe Greene spot from 1979. And, for some of the older millennials, it was “The Showdown” in 1993 where Michael Jordan and Larry Bird squared off for the prize of a Big Mac.

These spots made us smile. For this list, though, well, they're the ones that made us all drool, as these are the raunchiest Super Bowl commercials of all-time.

5. PETA (2009)

 

This banned spot was supported by the message, “Studies show vegetarians have more sex”. We didn’t verify this, but, suddenly, we’re craving broccoli. The video shows girls in lingerie licking pumpkins, caressing themselves with asparagus and throwing a bunch of veggies in a hot tub. Did anyone else’s mind go to Kramer from Seinfeld washing his vegetables in the shower? Just me? Cool.

4. Carl’s Jr. (2005)

 

Paris Hilton and suds. That’s hot. Wow, we're really dating ourselves here. Anyway, this banned spot advertised the Spicy BBQ Six Dollar Burger from Carl's Jr., with Hilton gyrating and humping the car Tawny Kitaen-style while doing a shit-job washing a sweet car. As the ‘it’ girl at the time, she could do no wrong in the eyes of many pubescent boys. Did anyone try the Spicy BBQ Six Dollar Burger? Nope, but at least we have YouTube to preserve the memories.

3. Miller Lite (2003)

 

Classic girl argument over Miller Lite's attributes of having ‘great taste’ and ‘less filling’. These girls get so worked up over it that they take their argument into a nearby fountain and proceed to rip each other’s clothes off—which is pretty much how all arguments with busty friends escalates, right? The fight then moves to a pool of cement that suspiciously resembles mud. The end of the commercial cuts to two guys saying, “Now that would make a great commercial”. We agree—and so did the beer company.

2. Go Daddy (2005)

 

Playing off of Janet Jackson’s wardrobe malfunction of 2004, this spot launched the GoDaddy Girl (former WWE Diva Candice Michelle) into the national spotlight. Appearing on a C-SPAN-like show, the brunette buxom appears in a low-cut tank top with the words 'Go Daddy' spattered right on her boobs. One of her spaghetti straps pops off, and the crowd gasps. So did the rest of America—and we're still finding it sexy over a decade later.

1. Pepsi (1992)

 

Often imitated, never duplicated. You can’t beat the original. Cindy Crawford pulls up in a red sports car to a gas station on the outskirts of town. She gets out, wearing a white tank top and Daisy Duke shorts. Two boys playing near the store look on in awe as if they’re losing their virginity at that very moment. She walks up to a vending machine, puts money in, leans backs and chugs. The spot ends with one of the kids saying, “Is that a great new Pepsi can or what?” Now what’s more American then that!?! We're still trying to figure out that answer.

Josh Womack is the head writer of Laugh Staff where he writes hilarious wedding speeches.

MORE: 'The Best Banned Super Bowl Commercials Are Full Of Sex And Raunchy Humor (And We Love Them All)'

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