There are a ton of things in life that are fun, but how many of them are free? Alcohol? Nope, costs money. Drugs? No, that too, costs money. Roller coasters, the beach, going to the movies—money, money, money. Sex on the other-hand is free!! Well, not always, but that's not the sort of sex we're talking about!
Sex is meant to be enjoyed! It should NEVER feel like a chore, or something you just "want to get over with." You shouldn't be faking headaches when your partner starts knowingly rubbing your lower-back. That's just sad. That is a life I won't willingly be a part of, and you shouldn't either.
If you don't have physical chemistry with the person you're with, that's NOT a good sign. Sure, you might hold onto the idea that it will get better over time, but how long can you sustain a relationship on that? If I know one thing about sex, it's that there's nothing better then when it just clicks. Having to work at it seems like a bullshit idea that therapists use to sell books, but I digress. I realize that these things sometimes happen and even the best, hottest spark can fizzle out over time.
I guess at the end of the day, trying is always the better option, especially if matters of the heart are involved. We've already told you how to spot if your partner is bored with YOUR performance in the bedroom, now we're going to tell you what to do if you're bored with THEIRS.
Obviously this is a sensitive matter, you can't just storm into the room and say, "You fu-king suck in bed...Babe." That may very well leave you without any genitals. Sometimes, it's about putting the onus on yourself in making a change.
According to Dr. Emily Morse, host of the top downloaded sex and relationship advice podcast Sex with Emily says the following steps (in my own words) are the way to go:
Bring in some pinch hitters for varied stimulation—this means sex toys
Feel free to show them some of the porn you're into and watch it together. Sometimes all it takes is a little visual for people to really get the point.
Figure out why you're bored. If you're someone who easily gets bored, maybe you're the problem and not your partner. You gotta take a look at yourself!
Add more foreplay to the menu to keep things exciting. This will also extend the experience—the whole big, bang, boom thing doesn't usually work for too many couples.
Be spontaneous and take initiative with your partner—jump in the shower, do it in the car!
Be open and honest about your feelings—nothing is going to change if you suppress and bury, you'll just end up exploding (and not in a good way).
Remember that sex is a team effort and you aren't going to make any progress thinking of solely yourself. You guys are in this together, so start acting like it and do the damn thing!
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