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A Man’s Betting Guide To "The Bachelor" ('Cause If Forced To Watch, Might As Well Keep It Interesting)

Image via Getty

Monday nights used to be about Jon Gruden, cheap beer and nachos. But when football season ends, the question of "who wins The Bachelor? begins. The Bachelor essentially serves women what the NFL Playoffs serve men. They fawn over it. They study the contestants. They obsess. When The Bachelor comes on, everything else comes to a screeching halt. For two straight hours, women get equal joy drooling over the Casanova and hating on each contestant — for the pettiest reasons, might I add). Are you kidding me, Becca, be more fake! And, every Tuesday, you already know what will be the talk of the town. So why should we let the conversation start and stop with the ladies of the world? Don’t play coy, gents, because plenty of you tune in (mostly forced), so where’s our POV on all of this?

To recap, this season’s Bachelor is Arie Luyendyk Jr., an unsuccessful race car driver turned real estate agent and the son of two-time Indianapolis 500 winner, Arie Luyendyk Sr. Aside from the name drop, Arie’s just another weird ass dude. He’s been weird since he was introduced in Season 8. Not just weird in the way every reality celebrity is weird, but, like, a general everyday weirdo. Whether it’s his demeanor or his everyday interaction, it’s some pretty cringe-worthy TV.

 

But let’s be real, who cares about him? Let’s talk ladies... This season has brought with it an ungodly amount of beautiful women. Don’t listen to the haters around the water cooler, there are some bonafide babes we just can’t stop Googling! So it’s time to put this show into terms every man can truly understand and help you figure out who wins The Bachelor? for season 22.

The No. 1 Seed (-150)

Becca, the publicist from Minnesota who had Arie take a knee during her entrance is the odds on favorite. She’s basically the New England Patriots of The Bachelor. As one of the standouts from the first night, she got the first one-on-ones with Arie, which is as good a predictor of winning the chip as having a healthy Tom Brady and Rob Gronkowski together.

The Unexperienced Contender (-185)

Bekah, the young nanny from Los Angeles, who became an utter star on the first night, more than has a shot at this thing. Much like the upstart L.A. Rams, she’s too young to be a real threat, but if she can make a real connection with Arie, we might find Cinderella dancing into the championship round.

The Wild Card (-215)

Annaliese from San Mateo, CA is looking for her shot at everlasting love. With a smile that sends shivers down your back, she showed up as a masked bandit and swiped a quick kiss, so she has real chance. Like any true wild card, if she wants to compete, she’s going to have to get hot at the right time.

The Long Shot (-700)

Kendall is an utter long shot. Every season, the show has the weird one. Dolphin girl was certainly one of the weirder ones, and her thirst for fame radiated through her blow hole. But Kendall makes dolphin-shark seem as stable as a bookshelf. As a huge fan of Taxidermy, not only did Kendall capture our imagination, but she also came off like a Buffalo Bill in training. Kendall is so weird, that it actually feels fitting that her and Arie get together. Stay tuned on this gal.

OK, boys, I hope you’re ready for some of The Bachelor now that we’ve given you the man’s betting guide to this season. Good luck to everyone in the show! Make sure to get your bets in come Monday, lines close sharp at 7:59 p.m.

Lead image via Getty.

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