Brave new worlds, annoying made-up languages and evil bearded warrior-types? It’s just not logical...
OK, so we were wrong when we said GoT needed to get the chop. Those last three episodes were some of the best we’ve seen, from White Walker zombie battles to a string of high-profile deaths (or maybe-deaths, when it comes to certain characters).
But, if we’ve got one problem with Game Of Thrones (and we have), it’s that slowly but surely, one of the storylines is turning into Star Trek.
Say what you want about Star Trek. We’re not here to argue that it’s only for lady-shy nerds or that it’s not fit to lick the dirt off Star Wars’ boots. What we are saying is that Star Trek isn’t Game Of Thrones, and Game Of Thrones shouldn't be Star Trek.
Let’s have a look at the evidence...
You know who we’re talking about. The Breaker of Chains. The Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea. The Mother of Dragons. So rare is it to see her speaking English (or The Old Tongue) that we’re starting to wonder how she’ll get on passing orders from the Iron Throne. Valyrian, Volantene and Dothraki have all made an appearance, but we couldn’t tell you which was which as they sound almost exactly alike. Let’s get Daenerys to Westeros now so she can give it a rest, if only to save actress Emilia Clarke a few headaches.
Every iteration of Star Trek has its key cast of players. Clearly we can’t tell you about things like Deep Space 9 because, allegedly, that’s for people who live below ground and only ever eat microwave pizza and Percy Pigs. However, the Scooby Gang set up at the end of the last GoT episode wouldn’t have looked out of place on the bridge of the Star Trek Enterprise.
There’s Daario as Captain Kirk, the brains and – let’s face it – the looks. There’s Varys as the slightly weird super brain, AKA Spock. There’s Missandei as the sexy female (known as Nyota Uhura and played by Zoe Saldana in the 2009 film). Greyworm is the Klingon chap they’ve got knocking about. Then there’s Jorah as the grumpy, middle-aged Bones McCoy and Tyrion as the efficient engineer who gets things done and whose name we’ve forgotten.
Just when you think Daenerys is about to reach Westeros, there’s another new, uncharted ancient world to traverse and its strange inhabitants to deal with. From Meereen to Qarth, the only difference is that the budget is larger than Star Trek's ever was. And the House of the Undying? Straight up Next Generation spookiness.
We hate to generalise, but the Dothraki and the Klingons are the same thing. Gruff, bearded and muscular, both tribes are outlaws on the fringe of the world. Fierce fighters, they’re often enemies of the 'good guys', but with the power to turn their brawn to the side of good. *Cough* rip off *cough cough*.
OK, so Kirk has his USS Enterprise and Daenerys has Drogon the dragon. They’re both really fast, have powerful weapons and are always breaking down at the most inconvenient moments. Plus, neither of them are as awesome as they should be.
With a giant spaceship at your disposal there shouldn't be any aliens causing you bother, and with three dragons on your side, the whole world should be yours, never mind Westeros.
After five seasons, is it time this storyline hit warp speed? Yeah? Yeah. Disagree? Let us know on Twitter at @TomWardWrites.