So what’s going on this weekend? Hitting the town hard? Meeting some ladies? Having a gentle walk in the park? Good luck. If you manage to avoid getting stabbed before you’ve even reached the end of your street, there’s all sorts of other hazards lurking in that terrifying urban jungle. So stay in. Get one of those massive bottles of Strongbow, a big bag of crisps and maybe even a girlfriend. And then watch two of these three:
The Big One: Notorious
Stars: Jamal Woolard, Derek Luke, Christopher Wallace
The film: Brash biopic documenting the life – and untimely death – of west-coast hip-hop star Notorious B.I.G. With lots of rapping, dissing and ladies with large bottoms, it’s a faithful depiction of the era. Even though the guy who plays Tupac looks nothing like Tupac.
Extras: Usual stuff – trailers and featurettes
The Weird One: The Unborn
Stars: Odette Yustman, Gary Oldman, Cam Gigandet
The film: Exorcist-inspired horror starring Cloverfield fitty Odette Yustman and best described as “fucked-up”. Gary Oldman’s in it too, as a rabbi. Which sadly doesn’t stop it being rubbish.
Extras: Director's cut. Oh, and it comes in a special sleeve that moves when you tilt it. We shit you not.
The Shit One: He's Just Not That Into You
Stars: Ben Affleck, Jennifer Aniston, Scarlett Johansson
The film: Seriously - forget the cover, we're not ashamed to say we judged this film from the title alone. Our verdict? It's gash. UPDATE: For the sake of journalistic credability, we watched it. It's gash.
Extras: After just one viewing, you’ll feel twice as emotionally irrational and discover an irrepressible urge to buy cushions. And you can’t put a price on that.