FHM columnist Buster Martin has had the ultimate honour bestowed upon him by the American musician Lapsley, who’s written a song about him. The track, called Buster Martin (was a man), appears on Lapsley’s Onions (and other things that make you cry) EP and came to our attention when the musician (real name: George) told us about it in an email. But if you ask us, it’s a tribute that’s been waiting to happen. Listen here:
Pierre Jean “Buster” Martin has been alive since September 1906 and claims to be Britain’s oldest employee, working as he does for a plumbing company. Buster got married in 1920 (yes, aged 14) to Iriana, with whom he had SEVENTEEN children. He served in World War II, and took his first ever day off sick in 2008 when he was felled by an in-growing toe nail. Also in 2008 he ran the London marathon, but the Guinness World Records organisation refused to acknowledge Buster’s proof of birth. They are liars and vagabonds.
We, however, trust Buster completely. So much so, that since July 2007 he’s been offering his sagely advice to young men struggling to make their way in the world in The Centurions column of FHM every month. You got a problem? Buster almost certainly knows the answer.
Here are some of his finest pieces of work:
Q: I’ve been wanting to join the army for a few years now, as I’ve had a growing sense of patriotism and want to test myself. The problem is, I disagree with the occupation of Iraq and wouldn’t want to be involved in any of that. Should I join up and hope for the best, or avoid signing up at all? Ben J, via e-mail
Buster: When you join the army you go where you’re sent and you do what you’re trained to do. If you disagree with what’s going on in Iraq then don’t join the army; you’d be no use because you couldn’t fight for your life or anybody else’s.
Q: I see Buster’s been getting stick from the media over how old he really is. For me, he did an incredible thing completing the London marathon. I don’t care what the truth is, but wondered – what’s his response? Mark Heard, Peterborough
Buster: “You noticed the lies that they told, then? As I approached the finishing line I knew they’d start. I really enjoyed it and might start training for next year. As far as the Guinness Book Of Records saying I wouldn’t get a record for the oldest runner in a marathon – I don’t care because I don’t drink the stuff.”
Q: Everybody thinks celebrities are a new phenomenon, but I’m sure they have always been around. Is it really such a bad thing? Or is it just that people expect more achievement from their celebrities? Paul, via e-mail
Buster: “Young man, I don’t even know what a celebrity is.”
To listen to more of Lapsley’s stuff, visit his website. And you can read more of Buster in FHM, every month. Just subscribe. Go on. It’s cheap.