1/ The really famous one: Beyonce - Broken Hearted Girl
Beyonce is undoubtedly a great emotive singer. Recently that’s been forgotten with the focus on her other, less ethereal, more curvy attributes. This track shows that, despite being gorgeous, famous, rich and married to one of the best rappers in the game, she still hasn’t forgotten the pain of coming up hard. Or at least having her rich daddy not allow her the latest weave for her barnet. Regardless, this will be a great song to ‘get all cheesy’ to, with your girl. Failing that, the sexy-sad video will provide wonderful material for one of those wanks where you end up crying before you can cum. You know the ones right?
2/ The super hot girls: Dolly Rockers - Boys Will Be Boys
The underdogs on the girl band battleground. But dogs they are far from, physically anyway. Verbally they are pretty mouthy mademoiselles. So how do you use this song to get to be their boy? Don’t talk much – check. Say frickin instead of fucking – doable. Don’t call them drunk at 2am – nearly impossible when they look like that, and have a punk attitude no other girl band has managed to pull off, while staying glamorous. We met them before they were famous in this Dolly Rockers video. We failed to work out which was the not-fit-one in the band all girl acts usually have.
3/ The clever girl: Ladyhawke - Magic
Ladyhawke, not La Roux. Yes their music sounds similar, but La Roux is the one who is being carried by the music leviathan that is Polydor, whereas Ladyhawke has been around since 1985. Alright that’s the Michelle Pheifer film after which Phillipa ‘Pip’ Brown named her band (we say band – she records all the instruments herself in the studio). She writes music to remind her of feelings from her past and do the same for the listeners – not for the money. On top of talent, she’s also a lot hotter than La Roux who should be called Le Roux. This single has the progressive bass and haunting vocals of an upbeat dirty pop hit.
4/ The electro track: Grum - Heartbeats
Electro is the sound of the robotic future, which is exactly what this song emodies – hopefully. Written in Leeds and released by Glasgow Underground Music, this is a testament to the north’s ability to “’av it large”. It pulls in every gyrating body, every sweaty pulse of a sticky floored, laser loaded club night – delivered directly to your ears. Like Mylo on ecstasy.
5/ The one for Halloween: Gatekeeper - Optimus Maximus
If an 80s movie existed that featured a vampire hunting, laser cannon wielding, leather clad biker soldier – this would be the soundtrack. Electro drum beats, electro progressive bass, and even electronically augmented ghoulish vocals, pour silicon life into this robotic horror of a track. Quite rightly the label it has been released on is called Fright – just right to see you into Halloween then.