Come on people, let’s ruin the music industry all over again by watching all the videos for this week’s singles on the internet and not buying any of them. Today’s aiders and abetters are: Tinchy Stryder, The Blackout, Beastie Boys, Lovvers and Gold Panda. That’s right. All the hits, and then some. Of course by ‘some’ we mean ‘bands you’ve never heard of’, but discovering new stuff is exactly what makes music great, ain’t it?

1/ The biggie: Tinchy Stryder feat Amelle Berrabah - Never Leave You

This is crap, obviously. Everyone else in the world disagrees though and Tinchy Stryder is heading for his second number one with Never Leave You, which features the nimble bodied Sugababe Amelle Berrabah dancing about and singing a bit. We’re pleased for Tinchy – he seems quite loveable in his post-Kanye West extravagant rap gear – but we’re happy to admit we know very little about what ‘the people’ want.

2/ The potential biggie: The Blackout – Save Our Selves (The Warning)

Remember The Automatic? Of course not. The Blackout do, and they bloody love them. Here’s some Blackout deets: they’re from South Wales, there’s a ridiculous SIX of them and their fans probably have terrible haircuts. We have amazing haircuts.

3/ The legends: Beastie Boys feat Nas – Two Many Rappers

The Beastie Boys will never be as good as they were, because back when they were brilliant they were in Best Band Ever territory. Not any more. They’re old now, and Adam Yauch has cancer. It’s the ultimate modern day sadness tale and it can only be cured by listening to his band loads. FHM loves you Adam.

4/ The rockers: Lovvers – OCD Go Go Girl

Lovvers are lovers not fighters, yeah? It’s in the name. They also bring the rock, do dinky little solos that sound perfect and fuzz their vocals up so much you have no bloody clue what they’re saying. It’s frickin’ brilliant. OCD Go Go Girl is what The Libertines would’ve sounded like if Pete and Carl weren’t so desperate to be famous.

5/ The weird but good one: Gold Panda – Quitters Raga

Well done Gold Panda, for making a song that sort of doesn’t sound like a song. There’s a sitar in there, some chopped up female vocals and an underlying fuzzy softness that screams of too much time spent taking hallucinogens in India; and that, friends, is a place we all want to be.